He still has not introduced me to his parents …

Your intuition is correct. Something isn’t right. I know you can’t go back and change what happened, but It was a big mistake to marry someone without meeting their parents, or having your parents meet them. Parents, siblings and other relatives are an important part of knowing who it is you’re marrying. You can learn a lot about what your life will be like with someone by meeting their family. It also makes a lot of sense that if you’re both crazy about one another, enough so to get married, you’d want to show off your new fiance to your family. I’m not sure why either one of you didn’t feel the need to do this. If it was just your husband who hadn’t introduced his fiance to his parents, I’d understand more, but the fact that both of you kept each other from your mutual families is perplexing. Even if your husband was on the outs with his parents, there are always aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings — someone from his side of the family who he’d normally want to introduce his new bride to.

It’s possible that he hasn’t even told his parents about the marriage to you. It’s also possible that he told them and they disapproved of the marriage for some reason, so he’s keeping you from them so they won’t find out. But you’ll never learn the truth from guessing.

If you think he’s using you for political purposes, like getting a green card, or for some financial purposes that I don’t really understand, you aren’t going to be at peace until you know the truth. You may want to consult an attorney to find out the possibilities of what could be going on so you’re more educated about the situation.

My main advice is to gently but firmly press your new husband into a mutual meeting of each others’ parents. Instead of getting into a power play that ends in a fight, accept his suggestion that he’s been waiting to meet your parents first before introducing you to his. Then, you should introduce him to your family first, since you’re the one who is wanting to meet his family, and then he should reciprocate by introducing you to his family.

Try to see through your hurt and disappointment: You had a win here. You got what you wanted. He’s agreed to let you meet his family and to meet yours. Call off the lawyers.

I know this win is not packaged the way you want, and you and your husband are probably both bruised emotionally from the process, but bottom line: he’s agreed to meet your family and to have you meet his. Rather than be hurt, brush your tears away, thank him and admit [i]your mistake[/i]. Tell him how grateful you are that he’s willing to do this reciprocal and mutual visit with the families, and what a mistake you made in not being honest about what is important to you, sooner. Tell him that you promise him to try and be more in touch and open about what’s important to you, rather than just assuming things, in the future. And show him how much this means to you. He feels like he’s given something up. It’s your turn to show him with affection and love how appreciative you are. In other words, be a very gracious winner.

The crux of the problem here is that you assumed — wrongly. This can be avoided by being in touch with your own needs, being vocal about them, and compromising.

What you’ve learned is that family is not very important to him, and not in the way you thought it would be. Your mistake. Now, you have to understand that if you want holidays or annual family visits, you have to take responsibility for them in the relationship. This is pretty traditional, that the wife plans the social life for the couple. And this is a new role for you. Buckle up for some bumps along the way, but keep your sense of humor about this transition.

For the future, you have to think hard about what it will be like to have children together, and how much or little you want either family involved. You can’t control the future, but you can start a channel of communication about it with your husband. And even if he’s not willing to dialogue about it now, [i]you [/i]can start thinking about it.

Quit assuming in the future. Use your doubts or questions as a way to learn more about yourself and your husband by expressing them and asking frank questions. This will also bring you closer to your husband, promote intimacy, and believe it or not, bring you a better sex life because that’s what the best sex is based on — mutual knowledge, trust and respect.

You had a bump in the road. You’ve made progress. Now muster up all the grace and affection you can, and infuse your marriage with it.