Should I get back with my ex

Welcome to the welcome forum, and please remember next time to post your questions in the Q&A forum!

Dating single parents, especially when you, yourself, are a single parent, can be [i]very complicated[/i]. 🙄 You got into and out of a muddle, and your feelings are confused. Let me try to help you sort them out.

First of all, [b][i]you[/i][/b] need to take responsibility for your part in prematurely moving your children in with your boyfriend and his children. You are your kids’ mother and you have to take responsibility for any situation you put them in. I think it was a huge mistake for you to move them in without knowing your boyfriend well enough to have had multiple, multiple, multiple conversations about blending your families and your children, especially. Huge mistake. So, stop blaming him for this one. You’re the one to blame when it comes to subjecting your children to an unstable situation.

Second of all, when he realized that you shouldn’t all live together — after you’d moved in with him and blended the kids — and then moved out, he was right. He bumbled, but he was the one who realized it was a mistake. He took responsibility for what was a bad situation for his kids, and made the appropriate adjustment. You were premature and hasty to break off with him completely. If you can’t find room for forgiveness in this complicated situation, and if you can’t allow mistakes like this, then you really shouldn’t be in the business of blending your family. But break up with him, you did.

Now that he wants you back, and wants to take things slow, I think he’s right on track. However, I’m not sure you’re able to handle this kind of situation. 😕 You’re expecting too much from him. You started dating him before his divorce was finalized, and it’s no wonder he was slow to introduce you to family and friends, but you were impatient. This particular man is not going to be available to you to blend your families and re-marry in any time soon. He wants to find his way as a single father. His children are traumatized by the divorce, as many and most children are to at least some degree, and his kids aren’t ready to be a part of a blended family. This probably isn’t on your radar, but he could end up losing custody of his kids if they are miserable in a new situation with you and your kids. He has a lot at stake.

So in answer to your question as to whether or not you should get back with your ex, I have to qualify that answer. [b][i]If[/i] [/b]you are able to date your ex for a year, starting now, [i][b]without pushing[/b][/i] to marry or blend your families, then I would consider you try it. But I really mean it when I say you have to take a few steps back in your relationship and just date him. His kids need time to get used to the divorce and their father not being with their mother. It’s a lot if you put yourself in their shoes — or at least try to. You need to gather all your empathy and maturity and employ it if this is going to work.

But if you honestly feel that you can’t or don’t want to wait, and if you honestly feel too angry at your ex-boyfriend for his not being remorseful enough to get back together again, then the answer is I don’t think this guy is right for you.

So, really, the answer comes down to what you want. If you want someone you can re-marry and possibly blend a family with, right away, this guy is not Mr. Right. So, be honest with yourself. If you are willing to be patient and forgiving and understanding beyond what you’ve ever been before, and mature with the situations you put your children into, then you can give it a go and see what happens.

I know this is a lot for you to think about, and it’s not simple, but I hope it helps. Let me know what happens. 🙂

Chatter sure is right. Rather than judge someone’s maturity, accept who they are right now. Potential isn’t a great thing to rely on in a relationship, and if someone doesn’t want marriage and kids, and you do, your compatibility is going to be low. 🙂