- This topic has 1 reply, 2 voices, and was last updated 15 years, 10 months ago by
April Masini.
-
AuthorPosts
-
October 21, 2009 at 11:27 am #1404
relationshipa1
KeymasterMy boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half and have always been long distance. We grew up together and have been best friends since we were 16. He is in the military and we have gone through one deployment of 6 months together coming out stronger then ever. As flawless as a realationship can be, we have that. We are still best friends. About 6 months ago we talked about his upcoming orders that he would recieve. At first it was one year that he would be gone, then two, now three. He will be going to Australia for 2 years and then Afganistan. We discussed staying together, breaking up, trying to do it long distance, and me going with him. Well he finally got his offical orders. Originally he was going to Afganistan first followed by Australia. As soon as he told me they had been switched I felt like I knew what was coming next. Basically, he thinks we should break up when he leaves but stay together these next six months until he does. He told me his feelings for me have not changed at all and he still loves me now more then ever. I know I sound so pathetic and I am usually a VERY strong willed person who can walk away from anything moving on easily…but I cant with this. We both have just found out about this and I dont know if this is just his immediate reaction or a solid decision. When he first told me I packed my things up and wanted to leave immediatley. I dont understand how he could feel the way he does. If you dont want to be with someone then why would you want to be with them 6 more months. I understand where he is coming from about how being away from each other that long is nearly impossible…but not even to try I think is ridiculous. We both think that each other is the exact type of person that we would want to spend the rest of our lives with. If that was true wouldnt he be making more of an effort. I know that he is feeling down about it too, tears were shead and things got emotional. He wants to stay in communication and have me out for visits and stuff just not be together. He swears up and down that it is nothing to do with me and its nothing to do with the fact that he wants to be with anyone else at all. Just that he feels like it is the “right” decision. He said he couldnt be in any relationship with anyone like that. I would in no way want to stop him from going because I can respect the fact that this is something he wants to do. Another factor is I just went back to school and wouldnt graduate until about a year and a half of him being gone. Is this all just bad timing? Do I stay in communication with him while he is gone and maybe one day we will come back together? Nothing has ever felt more right in my entire life then our relationship. If this is really how he feels then do I enjoy the last 6 months together that we have or move on now? I have always just cut relationship off when they have ended, no communication just get over it. Should I do that now? I had to ask an outside source because everyone I know says he is going to change his mind and we are not going to break up but I can be nieve like that. I am going through the biggest rollercoaster of emotions that I ever have…anger, sadness, confusion, and everything else under the sun. October 22, 2009 at 9:51 am #10647April Masini
KeymasterThis is not a horrible situation, but it’s a challenging one that calls for every ounce of maturity you can muster. Your boyfriend is committed to serving his country and that’s extremely admirable. He’s trying his best to do the right thing by you, too. The real question here is: [i]What is going to be right for you?[/i] Because he’s going to be away for 3 years in Afghanistan and Australia, your relationship is going to change — one way or the other. He loves you, and wants to be with you for the next 6 months until he’s deployed. But he isn’t ready for a commitment where he proposes marriage before he leaves, to seal the deal. In fact, he’s not even ready to say this is going to be a rocky 3 year long distance relationship. Therefore, he’s cutting you free.
Unfortunately, you can’t read his mind or know the future
😉 which would be very helpful right about now! It’s entirely possible he will realize he’s made a mistake 3 months or a year out — but then again….he may realize it was right to end things when he did. I don’t know — but more importantly,[i]neither does he![/i] Therefore, you really have nothing else to go on right now, but the fact that he’s breaking up with you — in 6 months.I think that unless he does propose to you before he leaves, you have to take him at his word. As much as that hurts right now, whatever clarity the two of you have before he leaves will help you a lot — even if it’s painful. He’s making a commitment to his service and he’s not ready to make one to you. That’s the bottom line.
As for the next six months, it’s going to be very hard for you to be in a relationship that has no clear future. Up until now, you’ve always believed he was Mr. Right. Now, he’s giving you reason to believe he’s not. But it is true — he may change his mind and the question is, will you still be there when he does. He’s probably going through a swirl of emotions, and is trying not to be confused and to do what he thinks is the right thing regarding his relationship with you. He’s a tough guy, and tough guys make tough decisions.
If you want to campaign for more of what you’ve got with him, don’t use your words. Instead, show him what he’s going to miss, and make these last six months together something he’s really going to miss — and long for.
😎 Rejection and break ups hold no candle to[i]regrets for actions not taken[/i] , so make sure you’ve done all that’s in your power to show him how you feel about him — but don’t open your mouth and say something you may regret (like, Let’s get married.) But if you’re not sure that this kind of life is something you can stomach, then take the rejection and throw yourself into the[i]very well timed[/i] 2 year graduate school program you’re enrolled in.So, either make the break now, because you don’t want to stomach the next 6 months knowing that the final goodbye is coming, or use these 6 months as an investment in your relationship to campaign for a change, knowing you may not get it, but that if you don’t give it a shot, you’ll always regret not having done so.
Good luck, and let me know how things go.
🙂 -
AuthorPosts
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.