i need to know if me and my guy are moving foward

Hi my name is Liz and I’m 24 years old. I have recently made major changes in my life and I don’t want to repeat them so I am desperately seeking advice on my situation with my guy. So, I can have some kind of idea what to expect. To be able to get the best advice I’m going to explain my situation.

It was memorial day weekend of 2008, on a Friday night. I had recently ended a long-term relationship with my boyfriend in March and started dating a new guy. This new guy was suppose to come with me to my cousin’s wedding the weekend after memorial day weekend and told me on Thursday (a week before the wedding) he wasn’t going. This wedding was black tie at the Rainbow Room in Manhattan with my closest family members so I was extremely mortified when this occurred. I was thinking how can I get a date on such short notice especially when he needs to wear a tuxedo (not many men own a tux, they rent). So here is where it all begins! I went out out Friday night with my best girl friend to get my mind off of things. During the course of the night she says come with me “I want you to meet someone” I brushed it off but not for long cause I was pulled through the bar to meet this guy. I didn’t think much of it when I met him just continued my night with “him” among us. Now it was late and time to go but my friend was nowhere to be found, she left me and I wasn’t familiar with the area we were in and being intoxicated didn’t help. I ended up going home with “the guy Steve” I was introduced to earlier. The next morning I woke up in his bed at his condo. I had no idea what to do in such an uncomfortable situation. But then Steve wakes up and starts treating me like we actually knew each other and invites me to stay the day and go to the beach with him and all his friends (including his sister). I figured why not so I went and on the way he says to me “so when exactly is this wedding I’m going to with you” I had no idea I had asked him to go with me and to top it off he actually owned a tuxedo. Long story short I stayed at his condo the rest of the weekend [saturday,sunday (met his parents & introduced me as his girlfriend),without leaving till monday, but not for long] went back 2 hours later on monday for a bbq @ his sister’s and ended up staying till Tuesday night. We celebrated our 24 hour anniversary, 48 hrs, & 72 hrs! I thought this was just a fling until I made a comment to him and he said what do you mean a fling you are not on vacation. I was in shock cause it was too good to be true. Steve ended up getting laid off from work that Wednesday and he said “after spending a great 127 hours with me made it better and he just wanted to see me cause he missed me” and so I went back to the condo. The first couple of weeks were bliss! I was staying there regularly, met his friends and family, leaving my belongings there but of course it was too good to be true. A part of me was scared to get hurt and kind of sabotaged the relationship especially with drugs. I was constantly taking some form of opiates and not acting like myself and it only got worst throughout the summer and the relationship slowly started falling apart. By the fall it turned into seeing him once a week then by winter once every 2 to 3 weeks until it came to a complete stop. We had a BAD FALLING OUT!!! IT WAS OVER, CLEAN BREAK. Months had past and during this time I entered a detox and got clean. I also changed my cell # to cut ties with my drug circle. Steve did not know I got clean or that I changed my #. 5 months had gone by and I was slowly getting my life back and becoming myself again and not the crazy psycho he last saw. He sent me a message on facebook saying “what are the odds, I actually had a dream with you in it, just figured I would tell you” but I wasn’t sure to write back but I did. We ended up having a good conversation where I was able to take responsibility for my actions and explained that I was not in my right state of mind cause I was messed up on drugs. After everything was all said and done he said I couldn’t be happier for you, all I ever wanted was for you to be the person I know you could be but it got to the point where I couldn’t even be around you anymore cause I tried helping you but you weren’t having it. Then he said he wanted to see me and to see if it was true so, of course I gave in cause I missed him and regretted messing up our relationship. So now it’s been a month and we hangout like 2 times a week for at least a few hours at a time. He has said that he likes me so much more now and actually enjoys seeing me. I have days that are hard for me during the process of staying clean but he reassures me when I get upset. We do have sexual intercourse and it is amazing…we both agree that it’s always great! But I know I want more and I don’t know if he does. I feel like I can’t ask him where this is going cause I don’t want to act crazy cause of how I got with him in the past when I was messed up on drugs. I feel like if I say or ask something to early he will just think I haven’t really changed. But I also don’t want to continue seeing him and sleeping with him just to get hurt again. I won’t ever text him first…he texted me last night saying “hey! Why don’t u like texting me anymore” and I just ignored that question and texted him back with hi how are you…we ended up hanging out last night and things were great but as much as I love being back in his life I don’t want it to be temporary. Please tell me what to do!!! Is he using me for sex? Or is he taking his time with me this time around instead of rushing into something? I am driving myself crazy analyzing ever thing. Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing back from you.
~Liz aka newgirl5