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April Masini.
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March 4, 2010 at 2:35 pm #1988
abigail19
ParticipantI was casually seeing this guy. He never committed to a serious relationship, when asked where we were, he always said he didn’t know what he wanted. Always seemed nervous to hug me and only kissed me if I kissed him first. If we went out He never told anyone I was his girlfriend… just a friend. We did everything together as best friends would do. I guess I miss judged our relationship and hurt him bad. One night we went to a club…I got REALLY drunk and started dancing with some other guy. My friend didn’t try to find me till it was time to go home (4 hours later). The guy I was dancing with ended up kissing me before I left… in front of my friend. Now my friend pretends like I don’t exist when i see him. If I can get him to talk to me, he avoids the topic and just talks to me like normal. I am unbelievably in love with this guy. Its been 2 months since we have really hung out but I can’t stop thinking about him and I’m physically sick over it (depressed and crying all the time still). He wont talk to me face to face over this so I have emailed him several times to tell him how I feel. The only response I get is that he is keeping his distance so he doesn’t get hurt again. I have asked him to tell me how he truly feels about me but he never answers, always avoids the question. I know he cares about me. I told him I was sorry and swear I am so in love with him that it would never happen again but he says he’s heard that before. (His Ex cheated on him). I never meant to hurt him, I just didn’t know he cared in that way. I miss him so much. I lost my best friend and its killing me. HELP!!!! Having not known he wanted something serious, what can I say or do to get him back? March 5, 2010 at 5:30 pm #13214April Masini
KeymasterYou didn’t mention your ages or how long you’d been “hanging out” with the guy you say you were in love with — all of which would be helpful to know. But given what you have told me, it seems like your guy wasn’t that into you while you were hanging out. In fact if he took you to a club and then left you alone for four hours, that alone would be grounds for not seeing him again because he really wasn’t that interested. In fact, that you got drunk on your own while at the club and made out with another guy is your true self telling you that you were so hurt you acted out. Personally, I believe you meant for him to see you kissing another guy to provoke a reaction — any reaction — from your non-responsive boyfriend who wouldn’t give you a commitment. Now, he’s made it crystal clear that he’s not interested in you at all, and you’re trying to get back — why??
😕 I know you think he was your best friend, but I’d ask you to reconsider the definition of a best friend because he sure didn’t act like one.
Accept the loss and embrace it as a cue that you don’t have to waste your time with someone who isn’t Mr. Right. It’s time to move on — but this time, move on and date smarter. If a guy doesn’t kiss you — unless you initiate the kiss (which I would NEVER advocate your doing) — take that as a hint he’s not into you. If you’re “hanging out” instead of knowing that you’re on a full fledged date, again, given what I think is your age (I’m guessing you’re in your 20s or 30s), accept that he’s not Mr. Right and keep looking elsewhere.
I’m sorry you’re heart broken, but I think you’d do best to focus your energy on a man who will be a GREAT boyfriend — not someone so riddled with doubt about you.
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