You’re right. It is difficult to rebuild trust. But it’s possible. When it works it’s because both people want to make things work. But if you don’t, or if you’re not sure, it’s going to be difficult at best. The problem here is that he didn’t reveal his whole self to you. He held back and he withheld information — while you were giving your whole self to him. In addition, you’re wondering what else isn’t as it seems because he wasn’t honest with you. My advice is to try and diffuse the emotions. It’s easy to get angry and to deflect the anger onto each other to avoid the truth — but it’s not productive. So try to get out of the anger business and figure out if he is someone you want to work things through with, or if you don’t think you can. Don’t rush into a decision, but don’t avoid the hard work you have to do. Ask him how he thinks you should best get over this — without any anger on your part, when you do ask. Ask him how he can help you stay? If he feels this is entirely your burden, then that’s a clue that you’re in this alone. Again. But if he is willing to work with you and be responsible for his part in this — which is going to be to explain to you why he withheld this information, and how, now that you know the answer, you’re expected to stay, and what he will do for you to keep you here.
I hope this helps. Let me know how things go.
April Masini
