Four years is a long time to be in a relationship with someone, and I understand how upsetting this breakup is for you. But here’s the thing. She was 33, married with kids and had a career as a therapist when she started this open relationship with you at age 22. Now, four years later, she doesn’t feel a commitment to you when you’re going through some depression, so she’s moving on. She has always been very independent and while this probably hurts, it’s not unexpected. She’s about taking care of her own needs, not committing to a relationship that has give and take or sacrifice and generosity. That’s not bad — it just is.
You may already know this, but if you don’t, it’s good to really try and process so you can decide if you really want [i]her[/i] back, or you want a relationship with someone who is committed to you. If you want her back, then understand she’s looking for someone who’s young, carefree and not an emotional pull on her energy. We all go through ups and downs — she isn’t looking for that. If you want a commitment and someone who’s there for better or for worse, look elsewhere. The irony in this is that you were probably depressed because you weren’t getting a commitment from her…. this breakup may be a door opening for you to find what you really need, elsewhere.
I hope that helps. Let me know if you have any other questions.
April Masini
