I love you but want to be on my own.

April,
In short, I’ve been in a 6 year relationship with a pretty country singer that is now post-menopausal. I’m a police officer and we met at one of her gigs. In time I began singing with the band. We never have moved in together and although I wouldn’t mind marriage, right now we were both happy with a mature relationship (we are both in our 50’s and she lives on a hugh estate w/ family and not in a rush to marry). The last 6 months were getting a little odd, I went through an illness for several months and wasn’t there with the band much. She does about 10 gigs a month. We both realize that it was getting to be a burden for me to be there so much and she couldn’t concentrate on performing if she was worried about me not being happy. Once she told me how she felt, I totally understand and think that is a relatively easy problem to fix. Everything else about our relationship is great. Everyone says we are a perfect couple for each other.

But at the end of October she said we needed to take a break from the music but still see each other on dates and such. OK, so we went out and had a fantastic no pressure evening and the next day I got a “great evening” text. But soon after she started to change the story into we shouldn’t see each other. She said she loves only me but needs to get over me. She doesn’t want anyone else, she just needs to be alone and take care of her own issues. (she drinks too much, but we never fight about that).The several times that we’ve run into each other it’s always great. She flirts with me, dances, has me up to sing with her. But several days later she pulls back.

This last weekend she knew I was out at a club with a buddy and made an excuse to drive all the way across town with a friend to see what I was doing! I told her it was great to see her and she was trying to ignore me so I said goodbye to my buddy and was leaving and she followed me out. I had told her earlier that I was getting some relationship help and was starting to understand things better. She paid rapt attention as I told her how I could understand how she must have felt so much anxiety at the shows and that it was something we could fix. I offered that , not right away, but down the line if she was ever thinking of a relationship again to give me a call if I was available. I said we have so much going on that i wish we could have worked out this issue instead of calling it quits. She threw her arms around me and said “I LOVE YOU”.

So what gives? You think there is some hope here? I know there is no one else. She wants to spread her wings so to speak and pay more attention to her music. She has a huge family that takes up a lot of time, but I’ve never been demanding of her time. I hear more and more women are going the “don’t need a man anymore route” this time in life. She basically let me know that for now it’s hard to see me because she’s having a tough time getting over me. She has cried on the phone telling me how she misses me. Is this some hormonal deal that guys don’t get? Any advice would be great. Oh yeah, I did the N/C deal and after 10 days I got 2 calls and 2 emails. She also called a few days ago to ask some legal advice for a friend. So she does initiate contact. We have many mutual friends that keep asking about me and she tells them I’m busy at work, she said she doesn’t want everyone to know our business. That limits my support system while my heart is broken! Thank you for listening.