[AskApril Masini]

There’s a great expression going around that people use when they someone being weak. It’s, Man up! It means to stand up and be a man. This expression comes to mind when I read your letter.

It’s very normal to lose the spark in a marriage after nine years with two children. Marriage is hard work and it involves commitment and sacrifice. But if the only problem you have after 9 years of marriage is that you’ve lost the spark, then you need to understand that that is fixable.

One way to do this is to make a hotel date with your wife. Get a babysitter or relatives to babysit your children overnight, and take your wife to a hotel to simply get away from it all and rediscover each other. Leave the laptops and blackberries at home. Sometimes just getting out of your normal environment helps you see each other as lovers, not just spouses caught in a rut.

If that seems to work at all, make it a regular occurrence. You can choose an in town hotel or one that’s an hour or two out of town. Switch them up for variety.

Also make a regular date night with your wife where it’s just the two of you at a restaurant that actually has cloth napkins. This time alone will remind you that it’s not all about the kids. The two of you are important, too.

Treat your wife like a girlfriend. Send her sexy notes and phone messages. It may feel awkward at first, but do it anyway. The more you do it, the more you’ll get back into the groove.

Check out my book, Romantic Date Ideas, for a slew of romantic dates designed to amp up the romance and get the spice back in your sex life.

You’re going to have to work at your marriage to get it over this hump, but you have a wife and two children, and you owe it to them and yourself to make this work.

Unfortunately, you told your wife you’re thinking of cheating on her. I’m sure that was your awkward way of telling her you miss having sex with her. But she probably ended up feeling rejected, vengeful and distant. You’re going to have to do some damage control — so think jewelry and a heartfelt apology.

Mature love means weathering the bumps along the way, and honoring all phases of your relationship as it develops over the years. So man up, and enjoy your wife. Do the work to bring the spark back to your bedroom, and treat each other like boyfriend and girlfriend as well as husband and wife — that way you’ve got all your bases covered between the two of you!