[leialeao]

Poly, what you say makes the most sense of anything I’ve read. This guy is a gem in just about every regard. He gets a check-plus on every point In my list of how I would like to be treated by a man. On top of that, he’s smart, witty, fun, and even makes a nice salary! Because I was coming off a fairly messy divorce when I met him, I wasn’t looking for a long term relationship with someone else right away, but met this guy, and things just developed. We’ve been in a close and intimate relationship for about a year, and I’m surprised to find that I’m thinking more and more about making a long-term commitment with him. The single only thing holding me back is the every two to three week “peeking” he does on match.
When my girlfriend first noticed him online last summer, I had no commitment with him other than to enjoy time together, so I didn’t press it. After she saw him online a couple of more times, essentially every time he and I spent an especially nice weekend together or had some other significant bonding experience, I really started to wonder. I broached the subject with him last November, when he told me he was checking on his ex-wife. I haven’t brought it up since, but like clockwork, he goes on virtually every time we get closer.
I would like to move forward with the relationship, and know that can’t happen unless I address this, because it makes me question his integrity. Maybe I shouldn’t, if it’s a natural boy-thing to have to peek, but it’s a behavior that’s foreign to me, not one I can understand. I’ve waited, watched, and now know I need to say something. I’m hesitating with this because it’s so foreign to my thought process. I am a very assertive person when I know I’m right, but I’m confused about this. I have no problem offending him if he’s in the wrong, but I fear offending him for a faux pas that is likely meaningless. The problem is… I just can’t tell. Any suggestions on how to talk to him about it?