[AskApril Masini]

Most people find love relationships at work, since that’s where they spend most of their days and lives. So, it’s understandable that you and your husband are working at the same company. But since you’re divorcing, you already realize that love comes and goes, and sometimes relationships come and go, even after you pledge to stay together until death do you part. So expecting Adam to promise to be there forever — or even for three months — is unrealistic of you. Get a cappucino and take a good whiff.

Second newsflash: Divorce proceedings get ugly when one party starts dating. This happens regardless of who initiated the divorce. You would be wise to cool or quit your relationship with Adam until your divorce is finalized. Worst case scenario is that Adam breaks up with you and starts fueling your soon to be ex-husband’s case against you in court. That could cost you spousal support or alimony and custody if you have children. Divorces can get ugly.

And lastly, but most importantly, it’s very normal for a divorcing spouse to want to replace the lost relationship. That said, it’s too soon for you. My advice is to call it quits with Adam, and do it in a friendly way. Explain that it’s in your own best interests to simplify your life until your divorce is finalized. Then either don’t date anyone, or only date on the down low outside of work with people you meet and who work at places other than your employment.

The time alone will be good for you. You need to grieve your marriage and process the failure and loss. You need to support yourself emotionally before you can achieve another healthy relationship. Think about it as if you broke a leg. You wouldn’t start jogging again the week you got the cast off. You’d wait until the bone was properly healed to ensure a healthy jogging lifestyle. Well, the same is true with dating after divorce.

And besides, if you do the breaking up, you may very well avoid being dumped by Adam who sounds like he’s really having trouble with the work place scenario, understandably. He may be ready to cut you loose, and that’s going to be disheartening and possibly humiliating not just personally, but in the workplace.

Be brave. You can do it. You can face your fears of being alone. It won’t be forever. But take things in the correct order, and don’t create chaos or drama to distract yourself from the divorce.