[AskApril Masini]

What you describe is exactly what being a teenager is like for most of the six years you are one. Everything you’re going through is very normal. Jacob’s behavior is also very normal for a teenage boy. This is a time when you and every other teen is figuring out what you like, what you don’t like, how you want to treat other people, how you want to be treated yourself, and how to experiment with a body that’s more like an adult’s, but with a mind that isn’t quite there yet.

Jacob acted very much like most teenage boys act. They are hormone charged and they really want to make out and go further if possible. Jacob was probably really jazzed that you invited him to your party, and you both loved flirting. When he told you he was going to give you 17 kisses at your party, that was his way of taking things a step further and letting you know that’s where he was going, and seeing how you would respond. While you weren’t so sure about the making out, you experimented and went for it.

But men and women are different, even as teenagers. Women get a lot more invested emotionally after making out or any kind of sexual activity with a man than men do, if they’re honest with themselves. Women who think they can turn off emotions and make out with lots of different men, or go further than making out with lots of different men are denying their true feelings. Men, however, are much more driven, generally, by sexual urges and are generally able and willing to let sex be their goal — even if it’s just making out. That’s not to say there aren’t gentlemen out there. There are. But men without manners are sexually driven.

Jacob may have hoped things were going to go further sexually, than they did, and decided to move on when they didn’t. He may also have just met someone new, the same way he did you, and went full tilt on pursuing her. You’ll never really know what his feelings were. But you do know what his actions were, and he gave you very clear messages after your party that he’s not really interested. I know it’s confusing because your feelings are different and you want and maybe even expect him to respond differently than he did, but if you pay attention to his not responding to you, you’ll understand that he’s moved on.

You, however, haven’t. You’re a little seduced by having made out with him and invested yourself emotionally and physically. In your head, making out with a guy means you have a relationship. Trust me — in his head it’s not the case. You’re also very in touch with your uncertainty. It’s interesting that you asked me to tell you how you feel about Jacob. I don’t need to, because you already now how you feel: You liked him when he was giving you attention, and you don’t like the fact that he got a new girlfriend so quickly after you, and then ignored you even though you’d made out with him. You were interested in moving forward with him. At your pace. He wasn’t.

Since he’s moved on, my suggestion to you is to take advantage of the summer, and make a fresh start yourself. Move on, meet new people this summer, and stay true to your own feelings, while listening and paying attention to those of the men who come into your life.