[AskApril Masini]

Your problem has very little to do with your boyfriend. Your problem has to do with you and your self esteem. You’re cluttering the problem with other issues to avoid dealing with it. So, stop talking about your boyfriend altogether. In fact, you can’t get well until you break up with him and find yourself alone. That’s when you’ll be able to do the work you need to get better.

So, break up with the boyfriend and don’t take his calls, or make any of your own. You need to let go of anything in your life that doesn’t support you — whether it’s a boyfriend, a friend, a relative or a neighbor. It’s obvious he isn’t interested in you any more, and you need to accept this and let him go.

Once you let him go, you’re going to be super sad and feel empty the same way you do now. So here’s how you help yourself feel better:

1. You need to focus all your energy on getting a job. If you’ve been out of work for six months, you’re going to be prone to depression. So, get a job. Even if it’s working in a coffee shop. You need someplace to go every day where you’re needed and where you can be productive and earn a paycheck.

2. You need to focus on your body. If you don’t exercise regularly, get into an exercise routine. Your chemistry will change and you’ll start feeling good about yourself — I promise. Eat well — no junk — and begin to really appreciate your body.

3. Take some pride in your appearance. Give yourself a manicure and a pedicure. Get a new hairstyle. Clean out your closet and get rid of the stuff that isn’t flattering any more.

4. Start surrounding yourself with supportive people. These should be girlfriends and family members. Go out once a week to a party, a movie, a dinner with friends — whatever it is, get out of the house once a week to something social. And if you don’t have anything to do, invite someone to dinner. Can’t cook? Make it a potluck.

You should start feeling really good about now, and you can start thinking about what it is you really want for yourself in a relationship. I STRONGLY suggest you buy and read my book, Think & Date Like A Man, so you can have a dating bible to refer to. You can read a chapter a day (they’re short!) so you know what to do and how to do it.

Remember, you can’t have a relationship if you’re not ready — and right now, you’re not ready. You have to do some work on yourself and you can only start that work when you dump this guy who you think you love, but who treats you badly. You’ll eventually figure out that men who treat you badly don’t love you and that you have the freedom — and the responsibility to yourself — to be treated well and to love well.