AskApril MasiniThe first is nothing you don’t already know… that you may still be carrying a torch for your “serious boyfriend”, and if not a torch, then without a doubt, you still have not come to terms (in your own head) with the breakup and the end of the relationship.
The second issue is that you are trying to compare [u]“2 guys that you’ve dated one month each, which you don’t consider boyfriends” [u]“serious boyfriend” that you dated for 3 1/2 years.
The good news and the bad news is that your serious boyfriend was honest with you. As much as it hurt (and continues to hurt) it would have been a far worse situation if he (and your relationship) had come to this conclusion after you were married for a couple of years with children. Equally, it would have been worse if he married you and then cheated on you and/or left you when he discovered he wasn’t in love with you.
I realize that it’s hard to believe right now, but he did you a favor… he’s given you the opportunity to find some one who really loves you the way you deserve to be loved. Reject is actually a gift. No one wants to be with someone who doesn’t want them, or that wants to be with someone else. It’s difficult, but if you could try to see the breakup in those terms it might make coping with the end of the relationship and moving on easier.
Now, regarding the two guys that you’ve dated for a month and don’t consider serious boyfriends go:
One month is nowhere near long enough to determine if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. More, until you feel like you’re in a “serious relationship” with someone – and begin to refer to them as your boyfriend – marriage is out of the question.
My advice to you is to tell this guy that you need to slow things down… Mr In A Rush needs to understand that you are not prepared to rush into a marriage just yet. You need to be sure of how you feel, for both of your sakes. Frankly, anyone having doubts about marriage shouldn’t be getting married.
More, I think it’s important for you to keep dating other people …
Overall, I don’t think that dating just two people after a long relationship is enough to determine who you should marry. I recommend you continue to date other men, to see what else is out there, and to see who feels like the best fit for you.
It is very possible that dating others may show you how much you want to be with Mr. In A Rush. On the other hand, it may not. And if it doesn’t you need to give him the same gift your former boyfriend gave you… The Gift of Rejection. And let him find someone who will really love him the way he deserves to be loved, without hesitation.
This is process may be difficult, but you’ll get through it and you’ll fall in love again… you’ll see!
