[Anonymous]

before i even saw your reply, i talked to him last night and finally got it out of him. i firmly told him if he did not want to be engage we needed to end that and just be in a relationship and i asked him why he’s scared of planning our wedding and talking about the future (we did by the way have a date in about 2 years, just not completely set in stone). to my surprise, it’s not really about me. i mean a small part of him worries that we wont work out, but apparently the majority of it has to do with his financial stability and his work. he is afraid that he will not be financial ready to get married, buy a house, start a family, etc and if his job will still be there. but after talking about how i am unsure about all these things as well and so is everyone else with a right mind when they get married! just like when people go out and buy a brand new house and car, and lose their job the next day. you just dont ever know. we were both really relieved after the conversation and decided to stay engaged with our wedding date, but it is flexible and may change depending on our jobs and money situation when the date gets closer.

and about the friends, you’re right, they ARE a reflection of him. but the old him, the one he was before we met 5 years ago. he’s grown up since then and is more responsible (except the drinking) and they are the exact people they were 5 years ago (still living with mom and dad, no job, no education, no future). i think he went back to them because they were all he knew. we talked about his friends and apparently they dislike me not as a person, but because they feel like i am taking him away from them again. which i can see, but still, he IS my fiance. so i don’t know if they will ever get over that. i mean i am willing to share, but hey they got to remember, i like spending time with him too. but he is going to try to control his drinking habits and just go out with his friends and drink like once or twice a week for fun, not because he has to.

and you’re also right about drinking as an escape, but not from me and our relationship, but rather the hardships in life itself. this kid has been through a lot of bad in his life, more than most can imagine. but we are going to work on him focusing on the good and not NEEDING to drink, but rather just wanting to once and a while.

and i really do want to spend the rest of my life with him, i know this and trust me i have asked myself this question before and the answer is always yes. especially before we got back together, i took a few weeks to really think about if i want to be with him forever because i didnt want to get back with him and then break his heart again. i know i am 100% certain. but any more advice on how to get his friends to not feel so threatened and jealous of my relationship with him?

Thanks for the advice!