[AskApril Masini]

I think that there’s more here than you realize. Although you haven’t disclosed your ages, after two years in an adult relationship it’s very normal to want to know if things are heading towards marriage or not. Most women do have biological clocks, and frankly, men have them, too. I think you’re a lot more concerned about the future with this guy than you’re admitting. This underlying tension could definitely be the source of the fighting.

You may feel conflicted because you want this relationship to be heading towards engagement and marriage, but you’re afraid to rock the boat because you don’t want to lose him. He may be aware of your wanting to move forward with the relationship, and not be ready, himself, so he’s looking for an excuse. He may also be reassessing the relationship and wondering if it’s time to put a ring on it or take off for good. And, he may not want to lose you, either.

What I’d encourage you to do is to not worry about feelings so much. Feelings come and go and they waver, but actions speak louder than words, and at some point, what’s at stake here is: Will this relationship progress in a direction and at a speed that you’re both comfortable with? If not, there’s going to be tension, and I think that’s what’s happening here.

You have to decide for yourself how long you’re willing to stay in this relationship if it doesn’t move forward at a speed you’re comfortable with. This is a very difficult decision. The answer is personal because you may not want to waste your time with someone who’s never going to want to commit any more than he already has. Or, you may want to give it more time. The trick is if you’re going to give it more time, you have to really give it more time — not give it more time, but be wishing he’d move faster than he is the whole time you’re seeing him. Because that’s just going to bring you bickering and discomfort.