AskApril MasiniIf what you truly wanted with your boyfriend that started all this fighting was some quality time like regular date nights, rather than criticize him look for any opportunity to praise him when he does what you like. Most guys love praise from their wives and girlfriends and will do what they can to get more of it. If you don’t praise him and make him feel good about being with you, he’s going to find someone who does make him feel good about being with her. Maybe you’ve heard of the idea of positive reinforcement. It can work a lot more effectively than punishment for bad behavior.
You can start out by saying, “That was so nice of you!” He’s going to be a little taken aback at first because this is such a change from the way the two of you have been together, but he’ll get used to it in a good way. Then you can amp up the compliments by saying, “I loved that you did this for me. It made me feel great, and I really appreciate this about you.” And by this time, he should be pretty happy to hear these compliments. At which point you can say, “God, that was great what you did today when you opened the car door for me. I love that about you. I think it might be really nice to get all dressed up and go out to dinner and have you do that for me in public.” And if he doesn’t take the cue, you’ll have to work a little harder and next time say, “I’d love to go this party with you and show you off. Can you make an hour for me on Saturday after you watch your game on TV? I’ll make it up to you in whatever way you want!”
Use your feminine wiles to get what you think you should have without asking, but in reality aren’t getting. It may be the kind of compromise you need in your relationship to set it right again.
If you want to try and fathom your relationship from this downward spiral, you’re going to have to change your behavior with your boyfriend. It may or may not be too late. As for the lie he told you, if you can’t get over that betrayal, he’s always going to feel like he’s on trial, and that’s no good. If this guy is a constant liar, then you’d do well to move on. But if he truly did lie just that once in order to avoid your wrath, maybe you can muster up some understanding.
Can you imagine what he would be like if he were really, really happy in the relationship with you? He’d want to take you out and bring you flowers and gifts and go to parties with you, not with his friend who cheats on the girlfriend. Can you be that girlfriend who he’s happy to be with and excited to come home to, and still be true to yourself? If the answer is any semblance of a yes, then give it a shot.
