[AskApril Masini]

It sounds like there is some unfinished business. It would be nice for you and your boyfriend to have a talk where you can find out from him what’s really going on. If he went to a party “with” his ex-girlfriend as his date, then that’s pretty bad for your relationship. If he went to a party and his ex-girlfriend happened to be there also, that’s not nearly as bad. But if he went to the party and his ex-girlfriend showed up, not as his date, but he didn’t tell you he was going to the party or didn’t invite you too, because he wanted to see his ex-girlfriend without your being there, then that’s not good for your relationship, either.

But the bigger problem is the communication between the two of you. Text messaging, IMing, chat rooms, and other electronic messaging is really great — but when you’re upset, the best way to “talk” is face to face. It sounds like you and your boyfriend need a long talk together face to face.

If you can clear up any rumors and miscommunications, and then work on your communication skills with your boyfriend, then you guys can move on together. Communicating is a practice. Just because you can talk and type doesn’t mean you’re good at communicating. Saying what you mean, listening well, and responding without overreacting or acting out, are all easier said than done, but they’re what we all have to strive for for good relationships.