[Freddy]

April,

I have recently met a wonderful person who I have dated for about a month. We have started cooking dinner for one another and hanging out at her house to watch movies; both of us are 39 years old. This is my first relationship…I am a confident good looking guy but just have never perused a relationship before now.

I seem to be doing everything right based upon her reactions to me – physical contact and willingness to move forward each week; becoming better friends. [We have not slept together yet]

I have discovered that I have a weakness. I seem to misinterpret subtle gestures and seem hesitant to tell her how I feel about things. This seems normal since I have never been in a relationship before and I’m kind of learning as I progress each week. Last night I called her because I think I have to open up to her to have a good relationship and because sitting around worrying about it was stressing me out and making me less productive.

I told her I am not that good at picking up on subtleties and and that she may need to be more direct or blunt sometimes so I understand what she is trying to say. In regards to a direct question she asked last week on a date I confessed last night why I was fidgeting on our 5th date.

She said she was happy that I’m starting to open up to her. In my mind, I am screwing up, and expressing why I was fidgeting or that I can’t pick up on all of her subtleties makes me weak and look stupid because I am a 39 year old man who should know these things. I felt uncomfortable telling her those things but I did it anyway and I do feel better as a result no matter what happens.

I have been doing everything else right it seems but I’m afraid this will make me look less attractive to her [or any woman] until I learn and gain experience in this area of my life. Is this something that women would overlook as long as I am honest and making efforts to learn/improve on as I go forward? My friends say even if it don’t work out with her I’ll be better off for the next one but I don’t want to lose the one I’m with over that.

Is this a deal breaker for most women?

[Ask April Masini]

What you describe as a weakness is pretty normal for many men, so RELAX! Men don’t pick up on subtleties as easily or normally as women do and it’s harder to get them to open up across the board. This problem is not a deal breaker, and it sounds like everything is going well.

Mostly, I think you need to relax and have fun. You’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself to succeed here. Ironically, loosening up and having fun will bring you a quicker road to success. Maybe shake up your dating routine of making each other dinner at home by getting out and doing things that naturally expand the relationship by trying new things, whether hiking and picnicking or going bowling or going to hear music at a club or a theatre event.

Right now the problem you’re expressing sounds like it’s more in your own head than in the real relationship, so get out of your head and get out in the world — with her!

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go — and join me on Facebook! Here’s that link:[url][/url].

[Freddy]

It’s hard to give all the details in these posts, but we did actually go to a theater a couple of weeks ago and hiking last weekend. Her work was looking to lay off 400 people and I recently lost my job, and currently struggling to get a business off the ground. After a comedy club date [while out to a reverse happy hour] I expressed that I was living off my savings and liked taking her out, but needed to spread it out a little bit. Maybe once a week and watch DVD’s or go hiking when the heat dies down next month here in AZ.

She has tried to help me by posting flyer’s at her work for my business and I bought her flowers to cheer her up because she was stressed out over her job. She took me out to the theater after I did that. EVERYTHING was going great. Each of us were showing interest in the others life. Cooking for each other in her house and she even bought hiking gear to go with me to the trails.

She is dealing with a recent divorce and said she was not expecting it to have such an effect on her. She expressed that to me while we were on the hike. She did feel a lot better after she found out she was not losing her job and I thought things were on the up and up moving forward on her end. However, on my end, she noticed that I was stressed out over my not having an income [I’m living on my savings]living in a small one bedroom apartment and dealing with trying to get my life back in order. She also commented once that I was single for so long, I’m very regimented… I tell her I’m trying.

She said she had a wedding to go to last week but did not know the woman that well and decided to go hiking with me instead. Then on Monday night at her house, she said the wedding was not last week but instead this week while I was leaving. This was the first week we went into a weekend without plans. I texted her on the day of the wedding to ask how it was and if she had a good time and I got a short response and nothing over the weekend to say “hey”.

I do have a date set up with her to see a comedian next Sunday but am afraid to call or text her in fear that she is starting to back off. We were together every weekend for 4 weeks straight for a total of 10+ dates and now a weekend of silence and short text responses? Can you go from cuddling on the couch, hugs and kisses to a possible game changer that quickly?

I could have gotten too stressed out over my current job situation or she may have not wanted to go through my learning curve seeing I am new to dating but it seems odd that she showed so much interest and then POOF – nothing? I don’t know what I should do next. I was thinking that I would not text her until Thursday and confirm our next date and if she is busy again this weekend take that as a sign and move on?

I hope I’m wrong but something in my gut tells me there is a problem someplace. I was so close this time, I hope it wasn’t me. I was dealing with her issues too.

[Ask April Masini]

You’re stressing out a lot over this relationship and I think it’s time for you to read Date Out of Your League, so you can have a book to fall back on and leaf through to find the answers to the problems you’re thinking about. It’s a great book for guys who want to get the girl – and that’s clearly you! Here’s the link: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. The book is $14.95 and downloads automatically so you can start reading right away.

I think that’s going to help you a lot.

Let me know what you think after you read it, and how your Sunday date went.

And join me on Facebook. I’d really like you to become a free member of AskApril.com on Facebook. Here’s that link: [url][/url].

[Freddy]

I ordered your book; I’m looking forward to reading it and learning about some tweaks I need to make. I decided to cancel the date we had. I was out of town at the time and decided to text and ask if she really wanted to go on another date with me, seeing she had appeared to lose interest a couple of weeks before. I got the “your really great thing and I think we are better as friends speal”. She said she would still like to go on the date with me but if I wanted to take someone else she would understand.

I was polite but told her that friends sounded good, but I don’t do 1 on 1 date nights with uninterested women…that Hiking or group events would be better. I certainly was not going to fly home and leave my training of a new job if she said that. I was going to come home too.Then she seemed to become upset!?

She was telling me it was rude to cancel last minute and that she had been invited to a ball game and declined because she had plans with me. We texted back and forth until 830pm about who called who or did or did not confirm… with my continually reminding her [politely] that she was the one who lost interest and that I simply did not feel right going on another date with her knowing that. If she was honest with me and herself she would not have been stuck home that weekend is how I see it. I may not have a lot of relationship experience but I’m not a push over either. She misjudged my niceness and must have thought I would take her out anyway.

Then I got the feeling any friendship was then out the window because she wanted to return my movie and USB drive as if she wanted nothing do do with me anymore. I don’t get it…I thought NOT seeing me romantically was what she wanted so whats with the attitude? Never the less I felt better cutting her lose and not feeling like I’m being ignored anymore. So I guess friendship and having an activity partner was not really what she wanted after all?

She said once on a hiking trip that I was single too long and was too regimented…and that I was stressed out [ugh, yea…I just lost my job at the time and had no income]

Anyway…I know now I need to loosen up a little and relax but I also need to remember not to get so caught up with the women I fall for and just not get too nice too quick either… I’m working on it. I don’t understand exactly what I did wrong because everything really was picture perfect for at least 3 weeks but even if I did everything right there could have been other issues on her side too. I can’t take all the blame for us not working out after 4-5 weeks…she had some depression issues with a recent divorce and was also stressed out thinking she was going to get laid off which I overlooked that made her less than perfect also. Oh well…se la ve

[Ask April Masini]

Take my advice and don’t just buy Date Out of Your League. READ IT!! A book on your shelf isn’t going to impart any knowledge to you. You have to do the work. So read it and take the tips and advice in the book and put them to use with women in your life.

Here’s that link again: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. I do hope you’ll read the book because it’s going to help you.

And join me on Facebook. Here’s that link: [url][/url].

[Freddy]

It’s being shipped to me now…I am going to read it. Did you think I wasn’t?

[Ask April Masini]

It’s an automatic download on the website. Where did you order it from?

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