[Doug]

My girlfriend recently left me and i have just been devastated. We were together for a little over a year and a half. Her reasons for leaving me are kind of confusing to me. She says that we had become disconnected and that she just wasn’t happy with our relationship…which i understand because i wasn’t happy with the way our relationship was either. Things were getting a little hard because we were both busy and had very little time to see each other. But i wasn’t just going to give up on her. It seems like when things get rough she just wants to give up. She tells me that she still loves me, but she thinks us being apart would be for the best.

Now, i just found out a few days ago that there is some other guy that she is interested in. She told me that she likes him. I asked her if that was the real reason she left me and she said no.

This is very confusing to me. How can she have feelings for someone else not even 2 weeks after leaving me. I mean, we were in love…and we still are.

The only thing that i can think of is that she is using him kind of as a rebound. Just someone to help her comfort herself with us breaking up. I hope thats all it is anyway…

Deep down i know that she is the one i want in my life, and i want her back. I never did anything wrong to her. I never cheated or lied to her. So im in the clear there. Also, im not bragging…but im not an ugly guy, i mean i constantly get compliments from girls. So i have no problems in the looks department. I need advice on how i can get her back. Im really worried about this other guy completely taking her away from me.

She has told me countless times before that she loves me more than anything and she always will. I’m not sure if this will come into play but she was a virgin. She is very religious and she had an abstinence ring. When we started dating she said the ring meant that she had to wait till she found the right person to experience sex with. One day she told me i was the one. So i was her first. I always heard that a girls first has a very strong impact and connection with her. So i wasn’t sure if that was a good thing for me or not.

I realize that it may take time for her to come back to me, but im willing to wait. I’ve gotten a lot of different advice, but the most common thing i hear is to not establish contact with her for like 3 or 4 weeks. And that if she contacts me its ok to talk, but i shouldn’t contact her at all. I wasn’t sure if this was a good thing to do or not.

I do feel like in a few weeks she might start thinking about me again, in a positive way. But im still worried because i don’t know what other steps i should take to help my chances of getting her back.

I do have one person that i have been talking to that is helping me. My ex’s best friend. We talk alot and she told me that if i need her help, then she will help me get my ex back as best she can. But, im not sure if i should let her help me, or if i should just do it all myself.

Im very lost right now and i need some advice. So if you can please help me out at all I would appreciate it so much.

thank you.

[Doug]

anyone? I could really use some advice :/

[Ask April Masini]

From the way you describe it, she broke up with you because you didn’t have enough time together. If you think that’s really the reason, then if your schedule changes, maybe she’d be more interested in being with you.

However, I think although you were both in love and you were her first sexual experience, she still may have decided to move on for other reasons than scheduling conflicts. This other guy may be a rebound guy or he may be someone she’s truly interested in if she let go of you sometime long before the two of you actually broke up. While your perception of the relationship is that you were both in love, hers may be different, and while that’s hard for you to accept, it may be true. She may have checked out of the relationship emotionally some time ago. 🙁

She may be so disconnected from the love that you once shared that it’s easy for her to be kind to you and tell you how you were a great love of her life and an important influence on her — without wanting to be with you now.

If your instinct is correct that she may be interested in taking you back in a few weeks then you have nothing to lose by playing that hand. Give her time away from you and allow her to miss you. She may just realize that being out in the dating world, she had it really good with you, and that she made a mistake. So hang tight for those three or four weeks and work on making your own life better, and then give her a call and ask her if she’d go out with you.

I hope that helps — let me know how things play out.

And come see me on Facebook at AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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