[benny8]

Hi,

So I am currently dating 3 girls casually, but there is a girl (lets call her Hannah) I hung out with a few times from my class last semester who I have a huge crush on. So last semester we went for lunch and had coffee a few times and we get along incredibly well; whenever we talk it’s like time just flies by. But then after a few times, she kept saying refusing to go lunch even though we’d been in the library the entire day together, to which her friend would make things a bit awkward by saying she should have lunch with me. After that, I just stopped trying and started going out with other girls and sometimes casually talking to Hannah through IM’s and in class (we always sat next to each other).

So a few weeks ago, the new semester started and I don’t have any classes with her now. 2 weeks ago we all decided to go out with our group of friends and she kept passing up advances from all the other guys and she wanted to be the only one in my car with me when we drove to the bar. Needless to say, we started making out at the bar. But I did something stupid; I hinted that I wanted to go back to her place ( since she lives a few streets from the bar.) and i got shot down. I didn’t text her till 3 days afterwards and it wasn’t awkward at all, but then a mutual friend of ours who is still in her class asked me if i was going to her houseparty the next day? I wasn’t invited so obviously I said no. From that point I kept thinking of reasons why I wasn’t invited. then he sent me a text an hour before the party saying he was going at 9 and that she asked him if I was coming. I went to the party and everything was fine between us, and we even gave each other a few glances and there was an intimate moment, but nothing happened. So we went to a bar and she just started ignoring me and kept going to that mutual friend of ours. Then I went home at 4 am. She sent me a text at 5 am (my battery was dead so I only got the text when I started charging it) saying: Text me when you’re home so i can go to sleep, bitch.

And now she’s always hanging out with that guy and everything and I just feel awkward now. I don’t know what to do? I never run after a girl, I mean I’m dating 3 girls (she doesn’t know about them) and the only girl I want to be with is her. Plus everyone knows there’s something between us so maybe she’s scared? i don’t know anymore 😕

– Benny

[Ask April Masini]

Please repost this new post as a reply to the string of posts you’ve already begun on this site here: . It’s much easier to better advice when your history is in one place. I’ll answer your new questions when you repost them. 🙂

[benny8]

Ok, so she answered that she couldn’t meet up on friday night because she’d made plans with her parents for dinner and that she was going out with her friends afterwards. I was pretty glad she answered at least, even though it was almost 24 hours after I’d sent the initial text.

I didn’t text her for 2 days after that and just sent her a text to see how her big test was. I sent her a text today (sunday) to see if she wanted to do anything tomorrow since it’s a bank holiday but she’s taking hours to respond again even though she read my message.

I am honestly starting to think that i should just cut my losses here.

[Ask April Masini]

You need to readjust your expectations! 😉 When someone takes hours to respond to your text, it doesn’t mean they don’t like you. It means they’re busy. People with lots going on very often take a full day to respond to a text that isn’t urgent. So don’t worry the way you have been, if someone is taking hours to respond to a text, it doesn’t mean they’re not interested in you. In addition, when you ask someone out by text, you’re not giving the date a lot of value. Texting is great because it’s quick and easy, but it isn’t a way to let someone know you really care. If you want to make more of an impression, pick up the phone and call her. When you hear each others’ voices and pick up all the nuances (and respond to them) that come through in a live phone call, you can create a lot more intimacy with someone you want to get to know better. 😎 She may think that because you’re inviting her to get together via text, because you’re not that interested — which is ironic because you’re wondering if she’s interested! She may be wondering the same thing.

[PassionSeeker]

April makes an excellent point your expectations need some adjustment, Benny. Just because Hannah takes a while to reply doesn’t necessarily mean she’s not interested. As April explained, people who are busy or focused on their own lives often take time to respond, and it’s not a reflection of rejection. What might be happening here is that your interest in her is making you hyper-aware of every small delay, especially since you genuinely like her more than the other girls you’re seeing.

April also highlights something important: texting can make your invitations seem casual or unimportant. If you truly want Hannah to see that she stands out to you, step it up call her instead. Hearing your voice can create real emotional connection and clarity that texts can’t. She might even think you’re the one being casual since you’re only messaging.

So, take a breath, stop overanalyzing every reply time, and reach out with confidence. If she’s still responsive, even slowly, there’s still interest just approach her more genuinely.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… hannah’s giving you whiplash and you’re out here acting like it’s romance. 😂 like, she likes the attention but doesn’t want the label. meanwhile you’re juggling 3 girls and catching feelings for the one who won’t play?? classic main-character chaos. you don’t need to chase her, but stop pretending you’re chill when you’re spiraling. either tell her straight up you want her, or stop letting her rent space in your head for free. right now? she’s winning the game you started. 💋

[Ethan Morales]

You like Hannah a lot. You’ve got other girls, but she’s the one who actually makes you feel something deeper. The problem? You’re playing this like it’s a game of who’s less interested. And she’s matching that energy perfectly.

She was into you. The chemistry, the make-out, the text at 5 AM all signs she cared, even if she played it off as casual. Then she felt uncertain.

When you hinted at going back to her place, it might’ve tripped a switch “He’s just like the others.” That’s when she pulled back emotionally and started spending more time with your mutual friend.

Now, she’s testing you. Her hanging out with that guy? It’s not random. She’s seeing how you’ll react. Whether you’ll actually show that you want her, or if you’ll stay detached like before.

And April Masini’s take fits: texting made it too surface-level. You made her feel like she was just another casual option. If she mattered to you and it sounds like she does you should’ve treated her differently from the start.

Here’s the truth, man: You don’t win her back by chasing. You win her back by changing your tone. No more casual energy, no more passive texts. If you reach out again do it with intent.

“Hey, I’ve been thinking about that night. I realize I might’ve made it seem like I wasn’t serious but I really value the time we spent together. I miss that energy between us.”

That’s not weak. That’s real. So tell me do you actually want to try again with Hannah, or do you just want closure so you can stop thinking about her?

[Marcus king]

It sounds like Hannah got close enough to feel something but then pulled back, and that’s left you caught in that confusing space where attraction and uncertainty mix together. When a connection has that spark you described the long talks, the natural ease ,it can make the stops and starts feel even more frustrating.

From what you said, she might’ve been open at first but unsure how far she wanted things to go. That night at the bar when you hinted about going back to her place might’ve made her pause, especially if she wasn’t sure where you stood emotionally. Her mixed signals since then, the party invite confusion, that late text, spending more time with your mutual friend, all sound like someone who’s conflicted or testing boundaries.

If you really care about her, the best thing right now is to slow down and be genuine with her. You don’t have to chase her, but you also can’t treat her like one of the casual situations you have with the other girls, she’ll feel that difference instantly. Just reach out, be straightforward, and suggest grabbing coffee like old times. Keep it light but honest. You could say something like, “Hey, I’ve missed talking with you. Want to catch up sometime this week?”

If she says yes, focus on connection, not pressure. If she doesn’t, take that as her answer and step back with grace. You don’t need to play games or try to figure out why she’s hanging with that other guy, if she’s interested, your steadiness and authenticity will pull her back in naturally.

[Tara]

Your dynamic with her is a power struggle, not a budding romance. She responds when you show up, and she drifts when you don’t. It’s push–pull, and right now she’s the one holding the leverage because you’re tiptoeing around your own intentions.

You’re not confused about her. You’re confused about yourself. You’re juggling three girls yet losing sleep over one because she’s the only one whose attention you can’t control. That’s why you’re spiraling. It’s not love. It’s ego.

Hannah’s behavior isn’t mysterious. It’s inconsistent because you are inconsistent. You pulled back, dated around, treated her like an option, and now you’re shocked she’s not handing you clarity on a silver platter. She’s reacting to the mixed signals you created.

The moment you tried to escalate and she shut you down, you retreated for three days. She noticed. Then she invites people to her party except you. Another signal. Then she asks the mutual friend where you are. Another signal. Then she ignores you at the bar. Another. You’re chasing emotional breadcrumbs because you’re waiting for her to declare interest while you play detached.

Stop pretending this is complicated. She’s interested, but not enough to navigate the chaos you broadcast. You showed attraction then pulled back. You kissed her then disappeared. You want exclusivity while hiding three other women. You want certainty while offering zero stability.

[Sally]

This girl is giving you the kind of mixed signals that make your brain feel like it’s on fire. One minute she’s in your car and kissing you, the next she’s ignoring you at a bar. That usually means she likes the attention but doesn’t know what she actually wants.

And honestly, you dating three other girls isn’t helping your head, even if she doesn’t know. You’re all over the place emotionally, and she’s all over the place with her behavior. That’s how people end up confused and exhausted.

If it were me, I’d slow down and stop chasing. Let her come toward you if she wants something real. Right now she’s acting hot-cold, and you’re letting it pull you around. Just breathe, step back a little, and see what she does when you’re not in her face.

[Natalie Noah]

I can see why you feel frustrated and a bit confused. the back-and-forth with Hannah, combined with your other casual relationships, is creating a lot of emotional noise. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like there’s definitely chemistry between you and her, but her behavior isn’t always straightforward. Ignoring you at moments, taking hours to respond, and gravitating toward a mutual friend after the bar suggests that she’s either testing boundaries, managing her own feelings, or simply not fully invested in the same way you are right now. You’re feeling the push-pull, and that can be exhausting, especially when your focus is mostly on her while dating others.

April’s advice is spot on: you need to reset your expectations and adjust your approach. Texting can easily make someone seem distant or uninterested, even when that’s not the case. A phone call, or even suggesting a plan in person, creates a stronger impression and gives her the chance to respond in real time. It’s also a way for you to show confidence and genuine interest without seeming needy. At the same time, it’s important to step back from putting all your emotional energy into her, especially if she isn’t fully reciprocating. Focus on building connection through meaningful interactions, but don’t let her inconsistency dictate your happiness or self-worth. Balance, patience, and clear communication will give you the best shot to see if something real can develop with Hannah.

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