When there’s a change in behavior, something is going on beyond that change. For instance, she’s gained weight and stopped having sex with you after a year. Something else is going on in her life besides the weight gain and sex drive loss — this kind of behavioral change doesn’t just happen out of the blue. She may be depressed about something, stressed about work or family, or she may not be into the relationship any more — but you’re just going to be guessing, like I am, unless she’s willing to talk to you, and to do the work to dig deeper and figure out what’s going on, and how she can get back to being the girlfriend that you fell in love with.
Pretending there is no problem isn’t an option, because that’s just enabling, so instead of trying to help her, ask her to help you. Explain to her that you miss having sex with her, and that you find her sexy, and want to be with her. It’s fine that she’s upset and feels guilty, but you have to ask her to help you figure out how to to be with her. In other words, her guilt isn’t enough because that doesn’t help you and it doesn’t make the problem go away. Offer to go with her to a physician to rule out any physical or medical problem that might be causing a weight gain and sex drive loss…. and see what the doctor says. But if she gets a clean bill of health, it’s fair to ask her to try — because sex is important to you.
If she agrees, you can dial up the romance, the foreplay and see if you can do things that make her feel good about herself and the relationship…. but ultimately, the solution is her deciding to work on herself, to make the relationship work.
I hope that helps. Let me know how things go.
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