[fallenstar212]

Hi April
I will try to keep the story short. I am 27, met a great guy (29 yrs old) on a popular dating site in May of 2011. When we first started dating, he was seeing me twice a week, texting often and initiating contact and plans. Six months went by, and I found out I was late. We had many talks about what to do, what the best decision would be and it opened a whole floodgate of him saying how he was going to sit down with me and talk about what were doing as far as dating, how he didn’t see us going anywhere, how he would never be able to look at my face again. I asked him why he kept seeing me and he said “because he wasn’t sure.” He told me he knew what it was like to love someone more than the other person loved them because he was cheated on in a relationship in which he wanted to marry the girl. She got pregnant, not knowing by which guy, and chose not to have it. It was painful, but yet he said if it was anyone else, he would’ve been mad and flipped out. We went back and forth, talked about me moving in with him and the possibilities of it not working out. We decided not to have it…which I’m still dealing with.

After that happened, we talked a couple times but I could tell he needed space. We didn’t talk for a month. I emailed him, just to reach out and told him he could take it or leave it. He contacted me, we met up and we agreed that we’d always be tied to each other and we’d always be friends. We stayed friends for 5 months, and then on my birthday he wanted to take me out for a drink. He had been subtly making comments about me and flirting. I wasn’t sure how to take it. He was very affectionate that night, held my hand, gave me compliments….I ended up staying over/sleeping with him.

It has been 8 months that we’ve been dating again. Because of his heartbreak, and 2 losses he’s not emotionally available. He’s very much focused on himself and his career. But when we started back up again he was really into it, just like when we first met. Now, it’s down to seeing him every other week, sometimes I meet him for lunch if I’m off (he works near me). And I am always asking to see him and texting first. Mainly because he works Monday-Friday and I don’t have a set schedule because of the type of work I am in. The other part to this is: he has never met my family, or friends or even been to my house. I have met his family and friends on occasion, not so much on purpose. I always go to his house, which is 20 miles away. It has been like that since day 1.

He is really good to me when I am with him. When I ask to see him he does. And of course my friends say RUN. End it. But after what we went through and him wanting me back, it’s hard. But I want a little more. I don’t necessarily need to be in a relationship but I want to see him more. The other weekend I was off, I told him to text me if he wanted to hang out. I never heard from him all weekend. So when I finally texted him and asked how his weekend was, he said “he played cards and just slept”. I don’t think I deserve this but how do I talk to someone who just shuts down the second I even say anything remotely related to us?

I’m really lost. I apologize for such a long post, I haven’t had the courage to talk to anyone about this yet and it happened over a year ago. I know part of it has to do with me but what is going on with him? Why did he want me back? How do I talk to him? I should be able to, I’ve known him for almost 2 years. Thank you so much.

[AskApril Masini]

You’ve spelled it out very well, and it doesn’t sound complicated at all. But….simply, put: You’re wasting your time with someone who’s not that into you. 😕 He likes you enough to see you when you make the effort, but he’s never going to be the boyfriend you want. And he’s making it very clear with his behavior. I know you think you deserve more than this, but if you stay with him, then that’s all you deserve. You could do a lot better if you look for someone to date who actually wants to see you! 😉

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