[cherries9999]

There’s this guy that I really like. I think he likes me too. We attend a small Catholic college with less than 1,500 students. He’s a 20 yr old psychology student. (I’m not a psychology student. My major is food science) I will just refer to him as “J” here. Last year he said to my friend K, “Tell (my name) that I love her.” I know K isn’t lying because I asked her many times & her story details didn’t change & I also saw the cellphone text he sent to her. There are other signs that he may like me too. For example- he blushes when he talks to me. He seems shy. And his guy friends tease him about me. And one of his guy friends (a young English teacher at the school) told me that last February during an event at our school- “J” was playing the guitar in a band. After his performance- “J” was on stage glancing at the crowd. He asked his friend, “Where’s S?” A while later- his friend asked him, “Who did you mean by ‘S?'” J answered him, “S stands for (my name). My friend & my crush.” He was looking for me. But he never told me directly that he likes me- maybe when he’s ready he will do it. There’s this other girl who is befriending me this year. I don’t know her that well yet- but she’s very friendly to me. She says “hi” to me sometimes when she sees me at school. We talked sometimes at school. She added me in facebook & she clicked “like” on many of my photos & status updates. She’s a psych student & she’s classmates with “J” in some major subjects.

She invited me to a seminar at our school & she told me that “J” will be there. During the seminar (which was on October 12th, Saturday)- “J” was singing & playing the guitar. She suggested, “Why don’t you take a picture of him?” I said, “Can you do it for me?” She said, “ok” & she took 4 pics of him with my cellphone. Later on- I saw her sitting next to him & talking to him. She said, “He’s my close friend- so if you have something to ask about him- come to me.” (I was surprised when she said they are friends. I knew they were classmates but I didn’t know that they were friends.) I asked if I could sit next to him, & she let me. She got up & I took her place. (She sat in a chair in front of me while I sat beside “J”) I had a casual conversation with “J” then he left the room after about 15 min. I asked her, “Do you remember what I told u about him last semester?” She said, “yes- when he told K that he loves you.” I said, “I will wait for him to say that to me himself in person. I won’t ask him about it. I will just wait.” She nodded. I asked her, “Did he ever mention me to you?” She said, “Yes. He asked where you are.” I asked, “How many times did he ask this?” “About three times,” she said. “Did he ever say anything else about me?” I asked her. She was silent- like she was trying to remember.

Then she said a few minutes later, “There’s something he wants to tell you.” I asked her, “What is it?” She said, “Better that he tells you himself.” I asked, “When did he tell you this?” She said, “about 3 months ago.” Then I wrote on a piece of paper so the other people won’t hear, “What did he tell you 3 months ago?” She wrote back, “I told him to tell you the truth but he said he can’t yet & u should just let the time decide when he will tell you about it.” I felt worried. I couldn’t wait & I wrote, “Tell me now so I won’t get hurt.” She wrote, “It’s better that he will be the one to tell you. But my advice for you is to move on and find someone new. I don’t want you to get hurt. You’re my friend.”
I wrote, “Tell me now or I’ll get angry at you.”
She finally wrote, “He has many friends and he drinks alcohol.”
I asked her, “Is that all you wanted to tell me?” She said, “yes.” I said, “I thought you were going to say that he doesn’t like me & he only likes me as a friend.” She said, “no.” I asked her again 3 more times, “Is that all you wanted to tell me?” & she said “yes.” I felt relieved. What she just told me is not a big deal for me. So what if “J” drinks alcohol? Many people drink alcohol- right? (I drink a small amount of red wine once in awhile.)

I was relieved what she told me because I thought she was going to say something like “He only likes you as a friend.” But why earlier she said, “My advice for you is to MOVE ON and find someone new”? Could it be that she may want him for herself? I’m suspecting this because she said that he’s her close friend. (If I have a boyfriend- I wouldn’t like it if he has close female friends, because sometimes friends of the opposite sex can turn into lovers. I know that it doesn’t always happen- but it’s a possiblity)
I asked her, “You said he has many friends. Are most of them male or female?” She said, “Male.” I said, “good. because I don’t like it if he has many female friends.”

UPDATE: I confronted “L” three days after the seminar. I wasn’t able to see her in person since the seminar last week- so I confronted her in a facebook message.
I wrote this to her: “when you told me last saturday, ‘he has many friends and he drinks alcohol’- that is not a bad thing. I will give him a chance because I really like him. I will try to get to know him more. It’s not a bad thing if he has many friends- if most of his friends are guys and not girls. You shouldn’t have told me to ‘move on.’ I hope that you don’t want him for yourself. : P”

She replied less than an hour later. She wrote, “J is my best friend and I’m not interested in him in that way, ok? I have another guy as my boyfriend already.”

I was surprised with her answer. I almost felt bad for being suspicious of her. I replied, “ok, I’m sorry. how much alcohol does J drink?” I didn’t get a reply- but it says she read my msg. (facebook lets you know if the person read your msg or not. if the person opened your msg- there’s a check mark at the end of your msg and it says “seen” and it indicates the time that the person read your msg) Because I didn’t get a reply from her but I knew that she opened my msg- I sent her another msg. I wrote: “I still like him although he drinks alcohol. How much alcohol does he drink?” I’m still awaiting her reply.

So she claims that J is her best friend and she says that she only likes him as a friend. She says she has another guy as a boyfriend. Could I believe that? Could a guy and a girl really be best friends without ever becoming lovers? Could a guy and a girl really be platonic best friends??

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re focusing on the wrong person. 😉 If you have a crush on a guy, don’t spend so much time focusing on another woman. 😕 Not only are you investing in gossip. you’re avoiding the guy you like! 😮 Instead, flirt with the guy you like, and know that if he likes you back, he’ll flirt with you, make small talk and ask you out on a date. If he doesn’t, it means he’s not interested.

[quote]She says she has another guy as a boyfriend. Could I believe that? [/quote]

You could believe it. Or you could choose not to. Even if she has a boyfriend, she may still have a crush on the same guy you have a crush on. She’s not really the important one here, but you’re focusing on her instead of you and the guy. 😉

[quote]Could a guy and a girl really be best friends without ever becoming lovers? Could a guy and a girl really be platonic best friends??[/quote]

I don’t believe that men and women can be friends because one person always feels more at some point. It doesn’t mean that they will act on it, but it does mean that they won’t be honest with each other. They could become lovers. Or they may not. But again, you’re focusing on the wrong thing here — instead of you and this guy, you’re focusing on this other woman. 😉

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[cherries9999]

. I did start talking to “J” already. In my first post in this thread- I did say that I had a casual conversation with him during the seminar. Towards the end of the seminar- after the girl (I will refer to her as “L” here)- told me that “J” has many friends & drinks alcohol- I went to the bathroom. When I returned- I rubbed my hands with hand sanitizer because I returned from the bathroom. I kept the bottle of hand sanitizer in my hand when the group of 40-50 people in the room began to form a circle for a game. We were instructed to hold hands with each person at both of our sides. “J”‘s male cousin was standing besides me on the right & he suggested that I hold hands with “J” instead. “Put your bottle of hand sanitizer away so you can hold J’s hand,” someone suggested to me. I agreed. “J” was holding my hand at the right and a girl was holding my hand at the left. It was a hula hoop game. (Each person in the circle had to go through the hoop and pass it on to the next person while holding hands) Before the game started- I asked someone to take a picture of me & “J” holding hands. The person obeyed and I asked for a copy of the pic. When she was about to take the pic- “J” jerked away as if he didn’t want the pic taken. But he went back to his place holding my hand and he allowed her to take the picture.

Most of the people in the group were thrilled when “J” & I were holding hands- although it was just a game. Some people were cheering. As soon as the game ended- “J” let go of my hand and he began to pack his things. I approached him and I said to him, “Bye. You are welcome to come to my house when you’re ready.” He smiled and he gave me a thumbs up sign.
That was it. That was a week ago.
(earlier at the seminar when I was having a casual conversation with him about an hour before the game- I told him, “I know that you’re good at playing the guitar.” He nodded. I said, “I play the piano.” He asked, “What songs do you play?” I said, “If you come to my house- I will show you what songs.”)

The night after the seminar- my friend “K” told me that her classmates were at the seminar and they told her that they thought it was romantic when “J” & I were holding hands and most of the people there felt happy for us.

P.S. Throughout the seminar- whenever I looked at him- he smiled at me. I smiled back. There were times when I was the one who smiled first and he smiled in return. There was one time when I looked at him- his eyebrows were raising as he smiled at me. (I think this happened more than once) I just read somewhere that the raising of the eyebrows in a guy (when he looks at a girl) is a sign of attraction or flirting. Is this true??

Should I keep an eye on “L” and his other female friends to see what competition I may have? Could they be a threat to me?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]I just read somewhere that the raising of the eyebrows in a guy (when he looks at a girl) is a sign of attraction or flirting. Is this true?? [/quote]

It could be — but if you want to know if he’s interested in you, then flirt with him. 😎 If he flirts back, then you’ll know he is. Guys like something to chase after, and if you flirt with him, you’ll be giving him a sign that you’re interested in him, and that opens the door for him to flirt back — if he’s interested at all. 😉

[quote]Should I keep an eye on “L” and his other female friends to see what competition I may have? [/quote]

You can keep an eye on them, if you want — but it really sounds like you’re focusing too much on other women, and not on the guy you seem to like. 😉 Instead of keeping an eye on the competition — keep your eye on the prize! 😀

[quote]Could they be a threat to me?[/quote]

They’re not a threat to you because you’re not dating the guy. But they are competition — and any dating situation involves competition. College is full of more single men and women who are eligible in terms of age, goals, time spent in common and education — than any other time in your life. Competition is natural. Don’t be afraid of it. Understand it — and then play to win. 😀

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[cherries9999]

[quote]It could be — but if you want to know if he’s interested in you, then flirt with him. If he flirts back, then you’ll know he is. Guys like something to chase after, and if you flirt with him, you’ll be giving him a sign that you’re interested in him, and that opens the door for him to flirt back — if he’s interested at all.[/quote]

How do I flirt with him? What do I do exactly? I’m inexperienced with flirting. How do I do it without seeming too desperate?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]How do I flirt with him? What do I do exactly? I’m inexperienced with flirting. How do I do it without seeming too desperate?[/quote]

Flirting is what you do when you want a guy to know you think he’s attractive. It can be a dazzling smile, locking eyes, complimenting him, touching his shoulder when you talk to him — treating him as more than a friend. There’s a LOT of advice on this topic in my book, [b]Think & Date Like A Man[/b], [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], so I’d recommend you buy and read it! 😀

I hope that helps.

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