[Sally]

When someone hits you in a way you can’t explain and suddenly you’re daydreaming about a whole future with them… it can mess with your head. But here’s the thing you don’t want to admit yet: she already showed you where she stands. If she wanted to keep something going, even just school-related, she would’ve replied. People who are interested don’t ignore you.

What you’re holding onto isn’t her. It’s the idea of her. And that idea is starting to take up too much space in your life.

If it were me, I’d stop asking her anything for now. Give yourself a little room to breathe. Crushes can feel huge, but they fade once you stop feeding them.

Let her be. You’re not losing something real here. You’re just stepping out of a loop that’s been hurting you.

[Sally]

I’m not going to sugarcoat this part: when someone threatens suicide every time you try to walk away, that isn’t love. That’s control. And it puts you right back in the kind of fear you lived through with your husband, which is way too much for one person to hold.

I know you care about him, but caring for someone doesn’t mean you have to stay in a situation that’s hurting you. He needs real help from the VA, not a partner trying to keep him alive by herself.

If he threatens suicide again, please call emergency services or a crisis line. You’re not responsible for saving him. You’re responsible for keeping yourself safe.

[Sally]

I’ve been in that kind of mess before, where the night gets emotional and suddenly you’re dealing with a version of someone you don’t even recognize. But him packing up, breaking up, and leaving you alone in a hotel… that’s not a small thing. That’s a man showing you how he handles pressure, and it’s not good.

I get why you don’t want to lose him, but right now he isn’t acting like someone who’s trying to keep you. He’s acting impulsive and punishing you for being confused in a moment he also helped create.

If it were me, I’d go quiet for a bit. Let him reach out first. You don’t have to chase someone who walked out on you. Let the dust settle and then decide if this is really the kind of love you want to fight for.

[Sally]

Distance can mess with your head even in the best relationships, and when someone goes back and forth on something as big as moving, it shakes your sense of safety.

But from what you wrote, it sounds like both of you just hit an emotional wall. You were scared, he was tired, and neither of you knew how to say that without hurting the other. That cold tone you heard was probably him shutting down, not him checking out.

Two days of quiet after a heavy talk isn’t the end of a relationship. It’s someone catching their breath.

If it were me, I’d let him have a little space, then reach out in a calm way. Just something simple. No pressure. You don’t need answers right this second. You just need honesty, and that’ll come when you both settle a bit.

[Sally]

When a guy goes from steady and present to ten days of silence, that is not a “man cave.” That is someone pulling away without saying it out loud. And I know that hurts, because everything before this looked like real commitment.

But the truth is, when someone wants you in their life, they do not disappear. They don’t leave you wondering what you did wrong. They make space for you, even on the hard days.

If it were me, I would end it. Not to get a reaction, just to give yourself some peace. A simple text is fine. Something like, “I care about you, but I can’t be in a relationship where I’m guessing if you’re still in it. I’m stepping back.”

It does not have to be dramatic. Just honest. And then let the silence be his answer.

[Sally]

When you love someone, your heart tries to make excuses your head would never make. But the part that jumps out to me is that he lied for years, had two kids, hid them, kept talking to the other woman, and somehow made you feel guilty for something he caused. That is not small.

Love can make you hang on longer than you should, but it does not erase a pattern. And this is a pattern. He did not just cheat. He built a whole secret life and expected you to carry the weight of it.

If it were me, I would step back and breathe before making any big decision. Trust is not something you rebuild just because you want things to be okay. It only works when both people are honest, and he has not shown you that yet.

[Sally]

It is hard to build something real when someone is unsure about the most important part of your life. I get that she came back and said she wanted to try, and that probably felt good, but her comments about your daughter would stick with me too. Even drunk, people tend to say the stuff they already think.

The way she loves her niece shows she has it in her, but loving a child you are connected to is different from choosing to step into a parent role. Not everyone is built for that, and that is okay, but you cannot gamble your kid’s heart on someone who is still figuring it out.

If it were me, I would slow way down and watch her actions, not her words. Your daughter comes first. Always.

[Sally]

When someone says they will let you know and then never follows through, it usually means they are not interested. People make time for what they want, even when life is busy.

It probably felt really good when you two were leaving work together every day, and it is natural to hope that meant something more. But sometimes people enjoy the vibe in the moment and still do not want to take it further. That does not mean you did anything wrong.

If it were me, I would not ask again. You already reached out twice. If she wanted to see you, she would have made some kind of effort by now.

Let it go gently. The right person will not leave you guessing like this.

[Sally]

I can tell this has shaken you more than you expected, and you’re trying hard to make it sound simple like you just want her around as a “friend.” But the way you talk about her… it’s more than that. She’s pulling up old feelings, old versions of you, old fantasies of a life that never happened. That doesn’t mean you want her. It just means she reminds you of who you were before all the grown-up stuff settled in.

Here’s the part you might not want to hear: meeting her isn’t harmless. Not when you’re comparing your wife to her. Not when you leave those meet-ups feeling “happier and more confident.” That’s the beginning of an emotional affair, even if you swear you’re not in love.

And your wife the woman you chose, the one you built years with she deserves more than being measured against a ghost from your past.

You need space from this first love, at least for now. Not because you’re bad, but because you’re human. Nobody stays clear-headed in this kind of situation. Step back. Put your energy into the marriage you already have. Let the what-ifs stay where they belong in your imagination, not your real life.

[Sally]

You love this man and things feel good, but your gut is picking up on the way he keeps slowing down instead of moving toward you. That feeling is real.

I do not think he is trying to mislead you. I think he is scared of letting people down. Leaving home, helping his dad, starting a new life with you… that is a lot for anyone. Even good guys freeze when they feel pulled in two directions.

If it were me, I would let him talk to his dad like he said he would, but I would not wait with my whole heart held hostage. Stay honest about how the stalling feels. If he is really in this, his actions will start lining up. If they do not, you will know.

[Sally]

It’s a special kind of hurt when you give someone steady love and they still chase the person who kept dropping them. Some people get hooked on chaos because it feels like passion, and once they’re finally with someone calm, they don’t know how to show up the right way.

But none of that means you’re not worth loving. It just means he never let himself grow past that old story he had with her. And you can’t compete with someone’s past, especially when they’re still living in it.

I’m sorry you’re carrying this alone. You’re not crazy for wanting answers. You just deserve someone who doesn’t make you guess how they feel.

[Sally]

I hear the hope in your words, but I also hear how one-sided this has started to feel for you. Ten years is a long time to hold someone in your head. People change a lot in that time, and sometimes the version of them we miss isn’t who they are anymore.

If she’s cutting conversations short but still calling on birthdays, that usually means she cares in a friendly, polite way… not in the way you’re hoping for. When someone wants you back, they don’t make you guess. They show up.

You can try talking to her like it’s brand new, but only if you’re okay with the answer going either way. Don’t chase her. Don’t push. Just be real and see how she responds.

If she keeps pulling away, that’s your answer. And I know it hurts, but that’s better than hanging on to a maybe forever.

[Sally]

I’ve seen this kind of breakup before, and it always leaves you feeling like you’re hanging onto smoke. You keep replaying everything, trying to figure out where it broke and if you can fix it. I get it.

Here’s the part that’s hard to hear: when someone falls out of love, they usually don’t circle back just because you’re trying really hard to be the person you were. And when a guy jumps into something new that fast, he’s not building a future. He’s just trying to fill the quiet.

But that doesn’t mean you wait around. You’ve already been carrying all the weight of this thing for months. He’s made his choice, even if it’s a messy one.

Take the space. Let yourself come back to life a little. If he ever shows up again, you’ll know how you actually feel then. But right now, don’t chase him. It’ll only hurt more.

[Sally]

When someone smiles at you like that and leans in the way she did, it’s easy to feel like you’re both headed somewhere. And honestly, maybe she felt it too. But when someone says their situation is “complicated,” that usually means they’re not free, or not ready, or not willing to make room for someone new.

You don’t have to ice her out, but don’t chase her either. Just be normal, kind, a little quieter with your energy. Let her show you what she wants without you carrying the whole thing.

I know it hurts. It always does when the timing’s off. But this part gets easier once you stop trying to solve it.

[Sally]

I don’t think you’re imagining a single thing. When someone loves you, you don’t have to beg them to choose you, or defend yourself against their mother, or feel like a stranger in your own relationship. That kind of shift doesn’t happen overnight; it happens when someone slowly checks out and won’t admit it.

And I know you’ve tried. You’ve twisted yourself into knots to keep the peace. But you can’t fix something he won’t even look at. You’re carrying all the weight while he keeps pretending nothing’s wrong, and that’s why you feel so lonely standing right next to him.

You deserve a relationship where you’re not competing with his mother, his friends, or whatever he’s avoiding inside himself. Just sit with that for a minute. Sometimes the thing falling apart isn’t your fault it’s just the truth finally showing itself.

[Member]

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