[Sally]

I’m just going to say this plainly because you’ve been through enough confusion already this man doesn’t love you in any way that’s healthy. What you’ve described isn’t a rough patch or “taking someone for granted.” It’s cruelty. Blocking you, using you, leaving you alone during something as painful as an abortion, coming back only when he wants something… that’s not love. That’s control.

You keep forgiving him because you hope the old version of him will come back. But he’s shown you over and over who he is now. And every time you try to leave, he leans on the fact that you’ve always come back. He’s counting on it.

What you’re feeling right now the heartbreak, the confusion that’s what it feels like right before you finally save yourself. Don’t wait for him to change. Don’t wait for another promise he won’t keep. You’ve already carried this whole relationship on your own. It’s okay to put it down.

You deserve peace, not pain. Let this be the end, not another cycle.

[Sally]

Anyone in your spot would feel a little twisted up about it. When an ex starts slipping back into the picture in ways that don’t line up with what you were told in the beginning, you feel it in your gut before you even put the words to it.

From the outside, it doesn’t look like you’re being jealous it looks like you’re noticing shifts she doesn’t really want to talk about. Sending old date photos… asking his opinion on lipstick… that’s not “just about the kids.” That’s emotional closeness. And you’re right to pause on that.

It doesn’t mean she wants him back. But it does mean she hasn’t fully closed that door. And you can’t build something solid while she’s still leaning both ways.
You don’t have to accuse her of anything. Just be honest, calm, and tell her what you saw and how it made you feel. Her reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

[Sally]

Losing someone after that many fights feels a lot like losing the future you thought you had. But here’s the part you probably don’t want to hear once a girl reaches that “I don’t see it anymore” place, she’s already been hurting for a long time. By the time she said it out loud, she was done fighting for it.

You’re not a bad guy. You just saw it all too late. And she sounds like someone who loved hard until she couldn’t anymore. Talking as friends won’t bring that old feeling back. It usually just keeps you stuck hoping she’ll change her mind.

Give her space, even if it scares you. Let things be quiet for a while. Sometimes that’s the only way you figure out what’s real and what you’re holding onto because you’re afraid to let go.

[Sally]

Asking out someone you barely know feels like stepping off a ledge and hoping the ground shows up. But honestly, it doesn’t have to be some big dramatic thing. Keep it simple and human.

When you see her on Thursday, wait until the appointment is wrapping up. Take a breath, smile, and say something like, “Hey, I know this is a little out of the blue, but I really enjoyed talking with you last time. Would you maybe want to grab a coffee sometime?”

That’s it. No clever lines, no pressure. Just clean and honest. If she’s interested, she’ll light up. If she’s not, she’ll be gentle about it. Either way, you’ll walk out feeling like you finally tried instead of replaying it in your head for weeks.

[Sally]

You’re trying to read every little thing she says, and honestly, that’s normal when you like someone and you’re not sure where you stand.
From what you wrote, she likes talking to you. She opens up, she jokes with you, she’s comfortable enough to talk about kissing and hickies that means she’s not weirded out by you at all. But calling you “a good friend” is her way of keeping things safe. Girls do that when they’re either unsure, not ready, or not fully feeling it yet.

She might like you a little, but not enough to make a move. Or she might just enjoy the attention and the comfort of talking to someone who’s easy for her.
If you want to know where she really stands, don’t overthink the flirty stuff. Ask her to hang out one-on-one something simple. Her answer will tell you more than all these mixed signals.

[Sally]

I hear how much you still love her. But from the outside, it looks like she misses the comfort of talking to you, not the relationship itself. If she wanted to come back, she wouldn’t disappear for days and drop random messages. She’d show up clearly.

Right now she’s keeping you close enough to feel familiar, but far enough that she doesn’t have to choose you. And that leaves you doing all the hoping.

If you want any chance at something real again, you’ve got to pull back a little. Not to play games just to get your self-respect back in the room. Let her feel the space instead of you chasing every breadcrumb.

If she wants you, she’ll make it obvious. You don’t have to guess.

[Sally]

When you’ve gone this long without any real dating, it starts to feel like some big secret you have to confess, when really… it’s just part of your story. You don’t have to dump it on someone on the first date. You don’t even have to say it in some dramatic way. When it feels right, you can just tell her you took a different path and never rushed into anything you didn’t feel ready for.

Most women won’t laugh or judge you, they’ll actually respect it. What matters is how you feel when you say it. If you say it like you’re ashamed, she’ll hear that. If you say it like it’s just the truth, she’ll hear that too. You don’t need to pretend to be experienced. You just need to be honest when the moment comes. That’s enough.

[Sally]

You just keep trying to be what you think women want instead of being who you actually are. And honestly, that gets exhausting fast.

This whole “girls only like bad boys” thing… that’s not real. Some women go for chaos, sure, but plenty want a guy who’s kind and steady. The trick is you can’t chase them from a place that feels needy or desperate. That’s the part that pushes people away, not your personality.

Slow down a little. Get comfortable in your own skin again. When you’re not trying so hard, you show up more real and that’s what actually pulls the right girls in.

[Sally]

You two clearly love each other. That part is solid. But you’ve been trying to fix the same problem for twenty years, and that tells me this isn’t about effort anymore it’s about what both of you realistically can and can’t do.

Here’s the part that matters most: don’t jump into bringing other people into the marriage while you’re both hurting and frustrated. That almost never fixes the core issue. It just adds a new one.

What can help is slowing the conversation down and getting really clear about what she needs emotionally and physically not just positions, not just toys, but what makes her feel wanted, relaxed, and turned on in the first place. A lot of women need a different kind of build-up than men expect, and it’s easy to miss that even with love and communication.

If you two truly decide to explore something outside the marriage, it should come from a place of stability, not desperation. But you’re not there yet. Right now, the work is understanding her body, your comfort, and the pressure both of you carry into sex.

Start with honest, gentle talks and maybe even a sex therapist who can guide you without shame. You don’t have to solve this overnight. You just have to stay on the same team while you figure it out.

[Sally]

When a girl seems way out of your league, it’s easy to talk yourself into believing you don’t have a shot, but honestly… she sounds like someone who’s just a little lonely and trying to get through school the best she can. And the fact that she laughs with you, studies with you, and talks easily with you that’s not nothing. A lot of guys never even get that far.

The “no signs” thing doesn’t really mean much. Some girls just don’t flirt unless they feel safe first. And she clearly feels comfortable around you. That’s a good start.

If you like her, ask her out in a simple, low-pressure way. Coffee, a walk, whatever feels normal. Don’t make it a big moment. Just see if she leans in. That’ll tell you more than all this guessing

[Sally]

It’s that quiet kind of doubt that creeps in when the excitement fades and you start noticing the parts that don’t line up anymore. And honestly, feeling unwanted hits deeper than people admit. It makes you question everything, your connection, your future, your own instincts.

From the outside, it sounds like you’re doing most of the reaching, and he’s doing most of the coasting. When someone only shows up sexually when they’re drunk or joking their way out of intimacy, that usually means something bigger is going on fear, insecurity, or just not being as tuned in as you are. But whatever his reason is, you’re the one feeling lonely in a relationship that’s supposed to feel close. That matters.

And it’s okay to admit that being “a great guy” isn’t enough if the relationship itself doesn’t feel alive anymore. You’re not asking for too much. You’re asking to feel wanted by the person you’re with. That’s basic.

Give yourself a minute to be honest: do you feel more like his partner or his roommate with a crush? That answer usually tells you what to do next. You don’t have to rush, but you don’t have to stay stuck in confusion either.

[Sally]

I’ve thought about this a lot, honestly. And I don’t think it’s some big destiny thing. People show up in your life for all kinds of reasons, but staying with someone… that’s a choice you make every day. I used to think there was one person “meant” for me, and maybe that idea feels romantic, but real life isn’t that tidy.

You meet someone, you like who you are around them, you grow together, or you don’t. That’s it. And sometimes the person who feels perfect at one point in your life isn’t the one who fits later on. There’s no magic sign. You just pay attention to who brings you peace and who you keep choosing even when it isn’t effortless. That’s the closest thing to destiny I’ve seen.

[Sally]

It’s that mix of sweet words and empty follow-through the kind that keeps you hanging even when you know something feels off. And honestly, guys like this aren’t that complicated once you step back from the excitement.

If he really wanted something real, he wouldn’t disappear for a month at a time. People who miss you don’t vanish. They show up. They make plans. They make space. What he’s giving you is attention, not commitment. It feels good in the moment, but it leaves you confused the second the message thread goes quiet.

Yeah, he might have someone else. Or he might just like the ego boost of knowing you’ll answer when he pops back in. Either way, he’s not choosing you. He’s circling you.
You don’t have to hate him. Just don’t build your heart around someone who only shows up when it’s easy. You deserve steadiness, not this disappearing act.

[Sally]

When someone still feels familiar, and the door isn’t fully shut, it’s easy to start imagining what it would look like if you two finally got it right.
But here’s the thing you need to see clearly: she’s torn, not choosing. Those little moments the late-night calls, the bittersweet texts, the memories they feel huge to you because you still love her. To her, they’re a way to touch the past without actually stepping back into it. If she really wanted to leave her boyfriend and try again, she’d do it. She wouldn’t just hint, then pull back, then feel guilty, then reach out again.

Her guilt says a lot. She knows talking to you crosses a line, and she still does it anyway… but she also runs straight back to “I want to do what’s right.” That means her heart isn’t free, no matter how sweet the conversations feel.

You’re not wrong for hoping. You’re human. But don’t put your life on pause waiting for her to make a move she’s shown she’s not ready to make. Let her come to you on her own if things ever fall apart on her end. And until then, stay kind but keep your footing.

It’s okay to love someone and still know you can’t live in that maybe forever.

[Sally]

From what I’ve seen, some couples do make it, but it’s never quick and it’s never clean. It only works when the person who cheated is truly all-in on fixing the damage, not just saying the right things. And the person who got hurt has to be honest about whether they can actually live with what happened, not just pretend.

There is hope, sure, but it’s slow hope. The kind where you take it day by day and see if you both still reach for each other when the anger dies down a bit. You don’t have to decide your whole future right now just pay attention to how things feel when the noise settles.

[Member]

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