OK, Fiance and I have been engaged 3 years. Live together. She has a 7 year old son whom I have put under my wing. Wedding date was set, until this issue came up. I have now called everything off, loosing my mind in the mean time.
So we where getting ready for our big day, in November. We have been up front, and laid out our future goals, trips we want to take, where to live and future pregnancies. . .
Again she has a child from her first marriage (7 year old) and I have always been up front and letting her know about starting a family. I love her son to pieces. I have been around for a while, even when we where friends before dating. Took him under my wing, we are close, as his father is a “whenever I feel like playing dad”-dad. This last X-mas she brought to my attention that she was having second thoughts about having one more child. Now, she changes her mind daily about things. We discussed it, I informed her that the first 2 years and time before that, she was all about it. I questioned- Why? [b]Her reasons are as followed:[/b]
1. She wants to travel. Son is 7, we can start bringing him along.
2. Over doing the baby thing, ugh Diapers, crying late at night, etc…
3. Medical Issue- She is 29, during her first pregnancy she has “tox-eem-ia”. It was bad, her body swelled up, risk to her and the baby, and the doctors didn’t help with her issues at the time.
I have educated myself since then on this medical situation. Her Aunt, passed away with child long ago. I get it its a risk. However, we are in 2011, and there are cases I have read of how to try to keep things running smoothly, and I have friends who got it 3 times!
I requested that we go speak to some specialists and see what they have to say- from a medical stand point.
She never scheduled to see a doctor. And when I brought it up, I was accused of… “pressuring” her. I really just asked, once. Ok I get it. She just lost interest on having another child. I recently told her that I understand her decision, and respect it. I do not see a point in going through to the next step, I wanted to have one more. It’s what we talked about. I have been set on it. I asked myself, “what if the doctors said it was a bad idea, what then…?” On that note I do not know. Things have been an “emotional roller coaster.” I mentioned that maybe I should move out. And its been nuts ever since.
Am I being unreasonable? I feel like I have “sidelined” things for more than enough time for her to think it over. I just one one more… It’s been getting rough at home. I’m being told that I am selfish, for abandoning our family, I better come to visit her son, etc. It’s getting hurtful and angry.
I am asking for advise here. I love this woman. I love her son. It’s kinda a deal breaker I think. I never dated a woman with a child, it makes it double the pain. 😐
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