A girl seems to be leading me on

[matty675]

Last Monday my best friend got a text from a girl at my school, that said something along the lines of that she likes me. Well my best friend told me so I decided Id give it a try an see what happens although I was never really interested in her before. Monday afternoon (after school, before i knew she liked me) she sends my friend a text that says “well no progress with (my name) today”. So he told me what she said an I texted her casually just to say whats up an we got into a pretty good conversation. Tuesaday we talked a little before skool an said hi when we saw each othr an we textd again later that night for quite a while, and while were texting she sends my friend a message that says ” chattn it up wit ur boy, proud of me??” Ok now its wednesday we talk in skool nothing has changed but her that nite i textx her and some of her texts come like 45- an hour later. Thursday seems like it goes the best in skool an i text her that nite… no reply, so i didnt try textn again. Friday I said like why didnt yoou text back, she said she was “busy” although she replied to othr messages from othr people because i askd othr people if she was replying to them. We talk and evrything seems great in skool. Since I want know if she likes me, because shes really confusing me, I ask one of her good guy friends to casually ask if she likes me without her knowing I asked him to ask her. He does ask her but she says no she doesnt like me. so i text her that nite she replys like an hour later an i reply like an hour after that an she never texts back. A lot of people say that when you text her she takes forevr to reply if she even replys at all so idk. Can you tell me whats going on??

[April Masini]

First of all, I’m so happy you’re here — but I’m even happier when you post your questions to me in the Q&A forum, so from now on, please post them there. 🙂

Today, I can tell you that there are 2 possibilities of what’s going on:

First of all, you missed your opportunity to ask her out on a date. After a few days of good texting, it was time for you to step it up — because [i]you’re[/i] the guy, and that’s what the guy is supposed to do. Your title to this post says that a girls is leading you on. Not so. In reality, you were defaulting, so the girl appeared to be leading you on. She was really just letting you know how she felt. [i]You[/i] are the one who is supposed to do the leading because, as I said, you’re the guy. 🙂

Because you didn’t, she lost interest. She figured you weren’t interested enough in being anything more than just friends, or else you weren’t really interested enough to pursue her. So, when you get the idea that a girl likes you, and if you like her enough to be a boyfriend to her, ask her to do something special together, just the two of you. That’s the next logical step. So, next time, when you meet a girl, get something going, and have a little momentum, keep that momentum by taking the lead and asking her out.

Second of all, there’s always a possibility that by getting to know you through texting, she decided she wasn’t interested, and that’s why she’s stopped texting you so often and even at all. And if that’s the case, then don’t spend any more time fretting over her. Not everyone is supposed to be your perfect match! When someone rejects you, they’re actually doing you a favor by giving you the truth so that you don’t have to waste your time with someone who’s never going to be that special someone.

I hope that helps! 😀

[matty675]

lately she has been texting me back every time, and we talk in school some. I never really felt anything from her although I was told she liked me. If I had felt something from her I would have asked her out, but I never felt anything from her.

[matty675]

How did she let me know how she felt. When I say texting I mean casually.

[matty675]

I have been friends with for about 7 years so she definetely knows me.

[April Masini]

If you’ve known this girl for 7 years, I think the way that you’d know she likes you is if something different happens. For instance, if this is the first time you’re texting each other with the frequency you mentioned in your first post to me, here, then I’d say, your pattern of friends has been broken by this surge in texting.

But the real question is, do you care enough to want to pursue things with her at a boyfriend/girlfriend level? If you want to ask her out, do it! 🙂 That’s really the only way you’ll find out if she wants to go out on a date with you. Otherwise, you’ll probably just stay at this status quo level.

The ball’s in your court because you’re the guy! You get to do the asking out! 😉

[matty675]

Yea I have noticed something different. Last year and early this year she would say hi often and give me a pat on the back an say whats up. Lately she says hi but its a little more suttle, not a big pat on the back. Im not sure if shes acting different because maybe she feels awkward around me or she just all of a sudden doesnt care enough to make a big deal. I would ask her out, its just that normally, at least from my experience the girl will tell one of her friends and her friend will tell me she likes me, and then I can go from there, thats whats throwing me off.

[Steve]

[quote]I would ask her out, its just that normally, at least from my experience the girl will tell one of her friends and her friend will tell me she likes me, and then I can go from there, thats whats throwing me off.[/quote]

Hmmm…I’m not sure how old you are, but it sounds like somewhere in your mid-high school years…somewhere at the point of where we all go through the maturation process of letting our friends speak for us to being bold enough to do our own “dirty work.” That’s likely why you are so uncomfortable about this…sure it’s a lot more comfortable when you’ve got all of results figured out before you ever even ask someone out, but the reality is that, that really doesn’t work in life as an adult, whether we’re talking about dating or anything else in life, there are always those times that in order to succeed you’ve got to step up to the plate and take some risks. And, yes…you will fail sometimes and it will probably sting a bit, but that’s part of what it takes…most successful business people will tell you that the only reason they’re more successful than others is because they’ve failed more times than others. So, if it’s not too late with this girl, you should call her right away and clearly ask her out on a date with a clear delineation that it is a date and not “hanging out.” The worst that can happen is she’ll say no and your friendship won’t be the same any more (and trust me, your friendship isn’t going to be the same anymore at this point anyway) and you’ll feel bad for a little while, then you’ll eventually realize that you lived through it and it will be helpful for you the next time. Of course the best thing that can happen is that she’ll say yes and she’ll be so impressed that a boy finally had the guts to ask her out direct rather than through his friends and be talking you up to her friends and it will be the beginning of a long and fruitful tenure for you as the “Don Juan” of your school.

Good luck with her…have fun!

[April Masini]

Don’t worry about what other people say. If you do, you’re going to be spending ALL your time analyzing gossip and not doing anything productive in your life! 😉

If you ask her out, you’ll know if she wants to date you. If you don’t ask her out, you’ll never know for sure. And if you’re looking for excuses not to ask her out, there are a million of them out there. What her friends say to her, to each other, to their mothers and cousins — who cares? You shouldn’t.

I’ll tell you one thing — women respect and desire guys who are confident and gracefully aggressive. If you can learn to be that guy you’re going to get a lot of girls that you want in the future! 🙂

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