[mulla]

Hey,
I have recently met a lovely girl (35) and we have been on two dates now and all is pretty much going very well, i do have a slight concern though, i am 10 years her junior (25) and i think in a way she has some concerns about this, although i could be reading in to the situation the wrong way.
Last night we went out on our second date and for pretty much the whole night we kissed and cuddled, and she said she really wanted to see me again today, and even text me when she dropped me off at home saying “had a great night, wish i was next to you in bed”.
This morning i text her saying “hey, what time would you like to meet later” and the reply i got was, “i dont know hun x, you make me feel so good but i dont know where this is all going. God knows what you must think of me x” so i said i would call her and have a chat, and what she basically said was that she was worried that she would not fit in to my life, and she isnt sure if we have anything in common, and she also she didnt see what i see in her, almost sounding very self critical, but she did admit that she worries a lot.
My job is that i am a rave promoter, and she is an accountant, so i do understand that we have totally different jobs but i did say to her, that i dont want her to change and that i was looking for someone just like her, this has now lead to her being i think quite happy and we are meeting up again tonight for a drink and a chat.
Thing is im really worried that i could mess this up come the end of the night if i approach the situation in the wrong way.
Any ideas please 🙂
Shaun

[Ask April Masini]

First of all, you won’t mess this up. You can’t. So stop worrying about that.

Second of all, there’s nothing wrong with a ten year age difference in either direction. Lots of couples with ten year age differences do just fine and lots of couples with no age differences break up all the time. So, since you’re 25, and not 18, I really don’t think the age difference has to be a problem.

That said, If she’s not interested in a serious relationship with someone ten years her junior, there’s not going to be a lot you can do to convince her otherwise. Some people just don’t like blondes. Or brunettes, and don’t want to date them. Some people will only date boyfriends or girlfriends of a certain religion or body type. People have preferences and you shouldn’t take it personally.

What you can do is to continue to ask her out, and reassure her of what it is you’re looking for for yourself in a relationship in the long run. If she’s 35, chances are she’s got a biologically ticking clock and may be looking for a potential husband and father of her (your?) children together. If you’re not on board for this then be honest. If you are (and there are plenty of 25 year old guys who are ready to get married and have a family), then all you can do is reassure her of your intentions.

Keep the communication going, ask her out on dates, and be honest with her — and more importantly, yourself. There’s no reason an age gap has to mean anything negative at all.

[Ethan Morales]

Ten years isn’t the problem here. The gap only matters if your life goals, energy levels, or expectations are misaligned. She’s anxious because she’s weighing practicality (career, stability, maybe kids) and emotional fit. Your job as a rave promoter is loud and fun; her job as an accountant is steady and detail-driven. That contrast can be attractive if you both see it as complementing, not competing.

Tonight, don’t try to “fix” her worries with big promises. Do the opposite: listen. Make the evening low-pressure a casual drink, eye contact, calm conversation. When she brings up doubts, validate them briefly (“I get why that worries you”) and then pivot to specifics: what you like about her, the things you have in common (values, humor, how you handle problems), and small ways your lives could work together. Concrete beats grand declarations.

Show, don’t lecture. Mention a few real examples that prove stability and compatibility: how you manage money, how you plan weekends, what you’d do if one of you had a tough week. If kids or long-term plans are on her mind, be honest about your timeline even saying “I don’t know exactly, but I want to figure that out with someone I trust” is better than overpromising.

Things to say tonight: “I like you for who you are not for what you’d become.” “I know we’re different. That’s okay. I don’t want you to change.” “I’m interested in seeing where this goes, and I’m willing to be patient and intentional about it.” Things not to say: “Age is nothing,” as a lecture; “I’ll change my life for you” as a promise; or any pressure about labels or timelines. Don’t try to be louder than the conversation be steady, confident, and reassuring.

Small gesture: plan a next thing before you leave tonight. Not “marry me,” but “let’s try X next weekend” (a low-key activity that connects your worlds). That gives her evidence you’re serious enough to plan and not so rushed she feels pressured.

[Natalie Noah]

Nothing about this situation says “danger” or “you’re messing up.” What it really says is that you’ve met someone who likes you but is suddenly feeling vulnerable, and she’s trying to protect her heart before she lets you all the way in. When she says things like “I don’t know where this is going” or “I don’t know what you see in me,” that isn’t rejection that’s insecurity speaking. She felt close to you last night, maybe closer than she expected, and sometimes when a woman feels that spark too quickly, she wakes up the next day worried she’s going to get hurt. Her brain starts trying to invent reasons why this can’t work age, lifestyle differences, “fitting into your life” even though none of those things actually changed overnight.

What she’s really doing is checking: Are you serious? Are you stable? Do you actually want me or was it just a fun night? This is especially common for women in their mid-30s… they’ve lived enough life to know that chemistry alone isn’t enough. She wants to believe in this, but part of her is scared you’ll get bored, or that the age difference means you’ll eventually want something different. The fact that she opened up about her worries to you instead of ghosting or running actually shows trust. It means she cares how this goes. And the way you handled it, gently reassuring her and showing patience, already made her feel safe enough to keep seeing you tonight.

So when you meet her later, love… you don’t need to “say the perfect thing.” Just stay present, calm, warm. Show her through your steadiness that you’re not playing, you’re not freaked out, you’re not going anywhere. Let her see that you want her not the idea of her, not the fantasy of the night before but the real woman sitting across from you. Approach the evening like you’re building something slow and solid, not trying to convince her or perform. The more grounded you are, the more her fears will naturally soften. And honestly? This could turn into something really sweet if you nurture it gently. I’m here with you.

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