All over the place

[Helltom167]

After a bad breakup with my first love, I met this guy and what started as just sex became something a little. Throughout the summer, the new guy went home and we kept messaging each other everyday..I even went to his hometown, where he had me meet his family and hang out with them so I figured maybe a relationship will come out of this, and it felt good and refreshing. He comes back to town for school, things are going well until I ask where we stand. This is a topic that has always caused trouble between us, because when I was going to his hometown, he had asked me what should he introduce me as and I just said as a friend, and now that I ask him he says he just wants to take it slow and when I mention that he’s saying different things all the time, he tells me he’s confused. Our last argument was so bad that now he’s completely ignoring my messages, and acted all nervous and walked away from the last time we saw each other in person a few days ago. Why is this happening and what should I do?

[April Masini]

Men don’t ever want to have “the talk”. It was a mistake to bring up the “where do we stand” issue in the relationship, and now he’s reacting badly and feeling pressured.

If he’s all over the place, that means he’s not significantly committed. Trying to pressure him into a stance on the relationship will never have a good outcome, as you can see.

My advice is to back off, and if he comes back to you, don’t bring up where things are going. Instead, you can gauge the relationship based on his behavior. If you want more details on this subject, you should read Think & Date Like A Man, a book I wrote for women who want to find, get and keep Mr. RIght. You can buy it here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. It will help you a lot! 😀

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[Helltom167]

Hello again,

This lovely 22 year old BOY basically said he just wants to be friends after ignoring me for days. All I asked him for was to help me make sense of things, considering that just a week ago we had spent the weekend together like everything was good after he called me drunk telling me he was strayed and I went and got him and his friend and let them eat sleep and hangout at my place. He said it didn’t work because I used him as a rebound and had sex with him too soon and that we should have been friends first in order to date. Fine. I let him know how I am confused as to why he suddenly changed his decision after everything and he didnt have much to say, I feel like he was just saying something just to get me to shut up, so I told him that I understand he doesnt care and that I’m not going to say what I need to say because I am a better person than that..I told him he’s an a-hole and that he will learn. He basically just laughed in my face and said bye. I am infuriated that he is acting like a little child and that I’m letting it affect me..I’m hurt and feel dumb for dealing with this. It’s really making me think that I clearly jumped into this way too fast, I wouldn’t call him a rebound because I geniunely liked this kid, but it really makes me think about how I should have tried and given my ex a chance to make things right. To this day, we still talk, and although I’m definitely not ready to try again after getting hurt by this other guy, I know I didnt have the connection with this new guy like I had with my ex. How is he totally okay with his actions? How can I snap out of this and move on? Should I just leave this to karma?

[April Masini]

Read the last piece of advice I gave you. 😳 It’s good advice.

You can’t push guys into being who you want them to be. Instead, you have to get to know them before you jump into a relationship with them (and don’t have sex too soon because it tends to cloud your judgment), until you really think the two of you are compatible.

I hope you’ll read the book I suggested. It will help you a lot. 😉 It will also help you start fresh. 🙂

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