AM I chasing a dream

[tiredofliars]

OK scenario is this
I am 58
She is 52
We have been dating for 1 year, she has several male friends, one in particular is her best friend she dated over 8 yrs ago and he pretty much uses her, but she is a true friend to him, he even dumped her e-mail addy and telephone number when he got married to a woman after dating for 3 months and My girl advised him against it, and this is the reason he dropped her, but after 3 mos decided to get a divorce and all of a sudden he comes back into my girls life asking for help, constantly calling her and coming over house etc.

She lives with a Male roommate 60yrs, confides in him on damn near everything, he pays rent, she has him paint around the house cooks dinner on many occasions, or goes out to dinner with him, or to the beach, has gone to the movies, but asks his advice on our relationship which ticks me off. I have even brought over food for dinner and she would say how many plates should I put out (as in having him join us) I told her I am dating her not him and her!

I have asked her many times not to mention his name in conversations, as in, David and I did this and we discussed on doing this to the house etc,

Am I asking too much to keep him out of our relationship? She gets upset when I get mad at things she does with him and then tells me this stuff when I am out of town on the phone.

[relation]

Yes, I can understand how you would be feeling. If you want to really win her then you should appear as wiser and intelligent than the people to whom she is attached right now…

Till you feel fully confident about your relationship, do not take a step forward…

[ThinkingRight]

Well, this girlfriend of yours doesn’t seem to care as much about your feelings as she does her “friends”. Also, based upon what you’ve described, it sounds like she might be in love with this so-called “best friend” of hers.

My recommendation would be to put your foot down about how you want both you and your relationship to be treated. If you don’t stand up for yourself – she’s not going to change her behavior towards you. The only problem with this is the only thing you have to “negotiate” with is you. Meaning you have to be willing to walk away and say good-bye to her if she refuses to alter the behavior and start treating you and your relationship with the respect deserved.

On the other hand, if she does not value you enough to do that, you might want to question why you would be with someone who doesn’t value you or your feelings. 😉

[kai]

Something doesn’t seem right with this woman. She seems to have lots of male friends all of whom she cares more about maintaining her relationship with than her “boyfriend”.

In my opinion you’d be better off dating other women, both for yourself and to let her see what it feels like. I think there’s a good chance you’ll find someone you like better than this woman and you’ll definitely someone who will treat you better.

[April Masini]

If you want your girlfriend all to yourself, my advice to you is to take her out away from her home. If you want to hang out at home and eat a home cooked meal — make it at your house, not hers. Her roommate is part of the landscape there. It’s unreasonable for you to expect her to not invite him to the table if you’re eating at her house. I’m not saying it’s wrong, but it is unreasonable to expect her to change her behavior.

Take her out for meals, movies, walks in the park, beach days, etc. Take her away for weekends. Invite her to your house, and make your house the home base for the two of you.

I’ve written this book called Romantic Date Ideas that you can buy by clicking on the link above, Dating Advice Books. It will help you come up with lots of date ideas, places, and themes. You’ll love it, and it will help you make a relationship with your girlfriend out of her house.

Instead of getting into fights about her mentioning her roommate or her ex-boyfriend, focus on the two of you. If she mentions her roommate, just don’t respond and keep the focus on the fun and romance the two of you are having. Eventually, she’ll focus on you, only.

[Author]

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