[jenny123]

Dear April,
My boyfriend of 5 months has a ongoing jogging date with a friend of the opposite sex. They do it once a week or so and I am not ok with it.
They have been friends for over 10 years and they HAVE slept together but, that was 10 years ago as well. She also is a good friend of his ex.
I found out about this by mistake, a family member of his brought up the fact that he left at 9:30 at night and came home 2 hours later all sweaty!! I was furious that he felt the need to hide this from me. His excuse was he didn’t hide it, it just didn’t “come up”. At this time he said that he was sorry and that it is not appropriate for someone in a committed relationship to be doing things of this nature with the opposite sex. I said that I didn’t want to keep him from doing something he enjoyed. (This was before I found out they slept together and that she was close with his ex)
4 months later he is still doing it and still keeping it from me when he does. He says there is nothing going on. That they are strictly friends, there is no attraction between them and that I am over reacting. I have never met this woman, I have made it clear that I want to and when the oppurtunity came up for me to meet her. He expressed his uncomfortability with it because of her relationship with his ex and that it was ” to close to home”!!
I don’t want to be jealous of this relationship and I want to trust him but, it is difficult when he is keeping these 2 parts of his life seperate. I have asked to accompanied him in his jogs on 2 occassions but, can not run at the same pace as him. He has said that the reason he enjoys running with her is because they have the same staminia. Which infuriates me! I have even gone as far as to start training so that I can eventually strong enough to run with him. I want him to want to share that time with me. I feel like he is not 100% satisfied within our relationship if he has to go to other woman for fulfillment.
Am I over reacting? Do I have a case to ask him to stop? I do not want this ongoing argument we have over this to continue. What should I do?
Please help

Jenny

[April Masini]

It seems odd to me that if they are truly only friends that he would have a problem with you meeting her. Frankly, a good guy with nothing to hide would WANT you to meet his friends and welcome the opportunity to demonstrate that he not only cares about you and your feelings, but that he wants you to feel secure.

On the other hand, if someone is going to cheat you cannot build a wall tall enough to keep them in.

I don’t know how old you are, how serious your relationship is with this guy or where you want it to go, but in my opinion, if you and he are in a mutually exclusive relationship he needs to either introduce you to this “friend” or you need to be prepared to walk away… unless you are willing to live with the feeling of insecurity, doubt and (potential) betrayal.

Personally, I would not want to be with someone that I felt I couldn’t trust.

My advice to you is to listen to your intution… There is a little voice inside you telling saying “something isn’t right”. You need to listen to it.

[jenny123]

Thanks April,
I am going to have a discussion with him about this. You are right, I can’t live with the doubt and insecurities. Its too emotionally draining.
I just hope he does the right thing…
Thanks again.

[April Masini]

Let me know how things are going for you…. 😀

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