[lovebird90]

Hi again! So after i wrote my last topic, i got to thinking and i realized that there’s actually alot more that I wanted to ask about. So first off let me tell you about my relationship with my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 7 months now. We’ve had our ups and downs, but it seems like we’ve had alot more downs then we have had ups. But the thing is, it always seems like i’m the one getting mad at him for things. Alot of the time we’ll have plans to go out or do something, but he’ll ‘forget’ about them, and he’ll go out with his friends. He is always spending the night at his friends house, and I really really do not like it. It makes me uncomfortable because everytime they are together, they are constantly getting high, and I hate it. I hate drugs in general, so it kind of annoys me that he does it. although i have raised my concerns to him, i cant full out tell him to stop doing it because it just doesnt seem fair, i don’t want to seem like i’m running his life for him. I just think it’s a little bit immature of him. We’re both only 18, and i know we’re still young but I feel like he should mature.
I’m in university right now, planning on getting a double degree in business finance and accounting and a minor in international business. I’m constantly at school studying, or working, or working out at the gym, or at church. I don’t want to sound conceited, but I feel like i’m doing alot more in my life then he is. He’s still just upgrading his highschool courses, and he’s not even sure if he wants to go to post secondary or not (most likely not). That’s another thing that really bugs me. I’m really big on the whole education thing. If i’m putting so much time effort and dedication into school and my future i want to be with someone who cares that much about his future too. Most of the time, he doesn’t even go to his school. He just stays home and sleeps in because he feels like he’s not benefiting from his school. I don’t know what to do, or what to say to him without sounding like his mother.
I wish i could help him get his life on track. I wish I would show him how important getting an education is and that he really should consider going to a school. I also wish he weren’t with his friends as much.
Also, we have not gone on an actual date in 6 months. (He JUST got a job about a week ago) we’ve gone on a date ONCE. ever since then, we’ve only gone to the movies maybe a couple times, and i’m always the one paying and not him. I don’t want to sounds selfish but I want to feel loved and taken care of sometimes. Even though I pride myself on being independent, It would be really nice if he would just do something for me sometime. I’m always paying for him or buying him little gifts just to show him how much i love him, but he has never done the same thing back for me. It seems like i put the effort in and he just thanks me and that’s about the extent of it. It just doesnt seem fair to me that he cant even treat me to a $2.00 coffee, but he can spend the bit of money that he does have at the bar and on weed.

As bad as it may sound, sometimes i question why I am with him. I’ve met tons of guys at my university who are all determined and hard working like me, and I know I could be with someone like that. am i being completely selfish in all of this, or do I have a reason to be a little bit concerned?

[GPM]

I don’t know if this section is reserved for April only, but I’ll still add my comment. I think it’s pretty obvious that you both have different values and priorities in life. You’ll never be happy with this guy. The things that bother you right now will get worse later on. Just accept the fact that you’re not made for eachother.

[dustin]

dump him. he’s lazy, he doesn’t value you and he’s probably using you. find someone better. given the cheap jerk that this guy is, it won’t be hard. 😉

[April Masini]

Your concerns are all valid. The concern I have is why are aren’t listening to your inner voice? Specifically, “i question why I am with him. I’ve met tons of guys at my university who are all determined and hard working like me, and I know I could be with someone like that.”

It is your job as a woman to look out for your best interests. If you don’t – who do you think is going to? Certainly not this guy!

Frankly, I don’t understand why you aren’t a bit more selfish? Why don’t you feel like you deserve better than this? If you don’t value yourself, you cannot expect that anyone else will.

Get my book, Think & Date Like A Man — and read it. Then, as GPM as accurately stated in their post, get out there and find a man who shares your values and priorities… someone who treats you like he values you.

[lovebird90]

Yeah you’re right and everyone tells me. But alot of the time I really can’t help but feel that it’s really not him, it’s me.

I have this insane jealousy problem as well. Everytime he goes out to a party or a club, or he goes out of town I get REALLY jealous. Sometimes I don’t even think the jealousy is justifiable. For reasons like that, I feel like its my fault and not his. I feel like he’s trying the best he can but I get jealous/angry too easily.

I’m always so afraid of leaving him, because I’m afraid of being alone. I’m afraid of finding out he’s happy without me, or he’s moved on to another girl. I never want to see that happen, so that’s a big reason why I don’t want to let him go. I don’t want to see him move on from me. I think that that’s another way my jealousy shows though. I get jealous of the THOUGHT of another girl being with him!

What do I do? It seems pretty helpless but i feel like i’m stuck in this circle I just can’t get out of….

[myah1]

hi my name is zhanna im so confused okay i been with my man almost 5year it was good we lived to gether then last 2 years we had ups downd fight to much but didnt want to let each other go we love and was use to each other had fun and bad times and he started cheating claimd he didnt but thats life sum times well we broke up in feb7,09 its been like 5 months we been apart and he wont pick up my phone call or any thing but do call out the blue like mothers day and stuff he said he was sick of me fighting with him and we will never be nothing more but friend,but use to really never wanet to let each other go so what do u think is he just taking time and will be back in my life? or thats it?my daughter calld him daddy he loved her like his olne i dont know?and i cry bout it every day he was good man it just took me this long to realize
i dunno what to do

[April Masini]

You know, people can have all the advanced education in the world, and still be insecure. You can have doctorates and PhDs coming out of your ears, but still make bad decisions when it comes to men. If you don’t believe me, read the newspapers, magazines and tabloids, and you’ll see beautiful and successful women being dumped left and right. And you know why? They’re doing what you’re doing.

Your boyfriend is treating you like he just doesn’t care that much about you. It’s pretty clear. You’ve invested a lot in yourself in terms of education, church life, and probably other things, but you haven’t really made it a point to educate yourself about how to be the woman who gets the great guy.

So when you say it’s you and not him, you’re right. Any other woman with your assets would dump this guy, but you’re flunking the course on dating! Instead of buying textbooks, buy my books and read them.

[Author]

Posts