Are we doomed or can I make it work

[relationshipa1]

I’ve been dating this guy for about four weeks now and he’s really amazing, I feel like he’s perfect for me. But about a week ago he said he thinks he’s falling in love with me, and I guess I got caught in the moment and I told him I felt the same. We’ve been saying “I love you” ever since and I know it’s way too early to know if we do, we’re just infatuated. Can we still make it work if I tell him I want to slow down, or are we doomed to fail. How do I tell him without hurting his feelings.

[Anonymous]

Hi Luche,

[b]I’m not April. So, definitely take what I’m saying with a grain of salt and focus on what she says when she answers.[/b] I have been in this situation way too many times to count, and I can tell you it’s not love; and you even know that. If you truly do love him and don’t think it is too fast, you wouldn’t be questioning it. Always trust your instincts. If it feels as if it is too fast, then it probably is. You have 1 option and 1 option only, and that is to tell him. He has 2: he can be hurt by what you’re telling him and get past it to move further with you OR he can get angry and breakup with you. If he does the 2nd one, then that obviously shows you it isn’t love. If he loves you or even wants to love you in his future, he wouldn’t throw this away so fast. If he can throw it away that easily, then the relationship wasn’t that valuable to him to begin with. Either way, you owe it to yourself first and him to be honest about your feelings. You don’t have to do it in a mean way, but your feelings need to be voiced. As far as how to do it: say to him what you said here about you getting caught up and how it went from there.

As far as I go, I can say that as I’ve gotten older and made the same mistake as you’re describing too many times; I have learned how to harness those strong, “new relationship” feelings. It happens to everyone. Yet, the feeling of newness wears off; and the both of you have to be the ones to make it work after that has worn off.

[April Masini]

[b]Misscappucino[/b] gave you great advice! Now here’s a little riff on hers: It’s very important to be honest with yourself, but white lies are fine in certain circumstances. 😉 Clearly, you jumped the gun in saying those three little words, but instead of making that mistake into a big issue, just back off and stop saying it. You don’t have to announce that you’re not going to say it any more, or for a while. You don’t have to discuss it. You don’t have to do anything, except EXPRESS your true feelings. [b]If[/b] he asks you why you’re not saying it any more, you can tell him that you got caught up in the moment, and you want to save the L word for a little while longer until things are more intimate. But for now, my advice is to just cool your behavior, but save your words. And no — you’re not doomed! 😀

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001113133958[/url]. 🙂

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