[sissy76]

Hi April:
My first issue is that I’m attracted to my roommate but I live with him and his mother (we are in our late 30’s), so they are both my roommates and kind of landlords. I’m not sure if he is just nice or might be interested and his Asperger’s and the fact we are roommates is stopping him from showing obvious signs of interest. My friends convinced me not to do anything. I did however touch is arm, and shoulder and asked for a hug which he gave this comment “why?”, embarrassed I let it go. So I was wondering if I should even attempt to try anything — tell him how I feel or maybe see if he would like to get together AFTER I move out. He thinks he has Asperger’s so I think that in itself is enough of an obstacle without adding the fact I’m living with both him and his mother and we are all roommates and they are my landlords.

Second issue, I was thinking about dating on POF. I tried, I signed up, but I hid my profile quickly. I don’t know if I’m ready because I want someone healthy and sort of fit; but I’m not and to ask that of someone else and not be fit, I’m just afraid of rejection. Plus I’m not able to constantly die my hair; I can’t afford it. I guess I just don’t feel that I’m attractive enough and school consumes my time as well. I also have low self-esteem that I’ve been working on for years now. My second question is, am I just waiting for nothing? Can a person be overweight (but working on changing themselves), not dressed to the nines, and still have some issues with low self-esteem just jump in already? I’m just really scared of rejection anymore. It seems a little throws me.

Thank You for your time and wisdom.

[April Masini]

My advice is not to approach your Asperger’s roommate/landlord. If he wants to date you, he’ll ask you out on a date. But if you create an uncomfortable situation in a housing relationship that is already rife with boundary issues…. you’re not just putting awkward into the relationship, you’re risking your housing situation, so steer clear of that potential date.

More importantly, you’ve realized that dating is competitive…. and you don’t feel that you’re bringing your A game. I get it. I’m sure others do, too! There are a couple of tips I can give you. Let me know what you think!

* If you’re overweight, lose the weight! If you’re out of shape, get in shape! Waking, hiking, swimming, and even dancing are all great ways to get in shape, lose weight and meet people with similar interests and goals! So instead of accepting the situation and feeling paralyzed, do something about it. You don’t have to lose 50 pounds, but if you lose 2, you’re on your way!

* I think it’s great that you want to date a super fit and attractive man! (Who doesn’t?) However…. being realistic about what you bring to the table and who will want to date you, is just as important. There are always opportunities for opposites to attract, but more often, those with similarities — in goals, lifestyles and fitness levels — tend to find long-term happiness together. Rarely does a couch potato with self esteem challenges date Brad Pitt. So be realistic, don’t be paralyzed, and expand your range of who you’re willing to date. You may meet an amazing guy who also wants to lose some weight — at the gym! You may meet a fabulous guy at the farmer’s market, trying to eat more healthfully, who thinks the two of you can cook dinners together to get to know each other, and achieve your health goals! A guy who is more “teddy bear” than he is athletic, may be sexy, generous, funny and smart — and a great date for you. So try and be a little more open minded about who you’ll date.

* Money shouldn’t be a reason to opt out of care! If you can’t afford to dye your hair — buy a box of at home hair dye, grab a girlfriend, and make a weekend of it. It’s very inexpensive to do. Give each other manicures and pedicures. Drug store facials and makeup work great for a makeover! Being on a budget isn’t an excuse for not taking care of yourself…. 😉

I think if you can begin to get on top of your game, you’re going to feel a lot better about yourself, and those self esteem issues will melt away because you’re going to be taking care of yourself, and getting positive feedback.

Let me know if you have any other questions. I’m happy to help! 😀

[Author]

Posts