[relationshipa1]

Dear April,

I’ve always had something for my best friend, although I’ve always kept it a secret. First, let me give you some “background info” on her. We’re both 16. She broke up with her boyfriend about 2 months ago (she didn’t and doesn’t love him). She has always been considered a very very attractive girl, and many boys have tried to have her. She is now having a kind of on/off thing with this 20 year old who used to study at our school. And she has always been very affectionate.

So about 5 weeks ago I finally told her I’ve liked her for a very long time. We talked about it maturely and she said she used to like me alot when we were younger, although she didn’t say anything about it now. Anyways, instead of things getting awkward, she has gotten much closer to me and is always initiating conversation with me at school and on MSN Messenger, etc. We have been best friends for a very long time and she keeps forgetting that I like her (Twice already has she asked me for advice with the 20 year old, and then apologizes for forgetting about how I feel for her). My father has always told me we forget things that aren’t important to us. Would this be the case? And also she hugs me and lies against me a lot (she has always done that, even before she knew about how I feel), so I’m always confused!

I’ve never gotten along with girl relationships – I never seem to understand them, as I have a very rational, logical and intellectual way of thinking; I never know what to do. I’m considering asking her frankly if I should have any hope. I’ve suffered quite a lot with girls and I don’t want to ruin such a valuable friendship, although I think I couldn’t be able to see her again as my emotions would shatter (I’m very attracted to her physically, more than for herself, I must admit – even though I love her both ways).

Please enlighten me, April !

Regards,
Dexter

[Anonymous]

I honestly think that if she has this 20 year old, there are a couple things that could be going on. First of all, she is very confused about how she feels about you, and doesn’t want to lose you in the time that she’s figuring this stuff out. Second, she wants another guy around just in case things with you don’t work out. I would say give her another week before you ask her if you have any shot with her. If she says that you don’t have a shot, you’re going to have a heck of a time trying to get over her, but it is possible. I would suggest trying to find another friend (female would be better) that you can confide in, that way your best friend isn’t constantly reminded that you like her, especially if she doesn’t like you back. Of course, if she tells you that she likes you, then you’re all set 😀 Hopefully this helped you out some.

[Anonymous]

She was having a thing with this 20 year old before she knew I liked her, so that’s not possible.

April? Can you give me some help?

[April Masini]

Hi Dexter!

I think I can help you. Being intellectual and sophisticated and book smart doesn’t always translate into being smart in relationships. In fact intellectualizing behavior keeps you at a distance that doesn’t always permit you to see what’s really happening, so see if you leave those skills on the shelf when you think about women.

Your best friend who is also your crush isn’t interested in you as more than a friend. I’m sorry that’s harsh, but maybe you’ll accept it that way. Your father is right — people don’t forget things that are important to them, and when you told your friend how much you liked her, she continued to date other men and even asked you for friendly advice about her boyfriend. The jury has returned with the result: she’s not interested. 😥

That said, when you mention how much of a problem you have with relationships, I think that if you could find a way to gather enough confidence to act rather than talk, you’ll have more success with women. Instead of telling your friend (or any other young woman) how much you like her, [i]show her[/i] instead. This involves flirting, gift giving and asking her out on dates. Women tend to like men who are confident and assertive. I’m sure you’ve got wonderful qualities as a young man, but unless you put yourself out there, which means risking rejection, you’ll find yourself sitting on the bench rather than getting a turn at bat.

I hope that helps!

[Author]

Posts