[MPez24]

BF and I graduated college in ‘14. For the first summer, we were working part-time. I worked at a store while job hunting. Finally, I got a full job so I helped BF. I proofread his apps and looked for positions. After about a year of looking, BF finally got a job through a friend. I was happy that he finally got something! 1 yr later, I left my first job for another company but I was let go.

In this time, BF was working for 7 mo. was promoted to Manager. I’m happy for him, but also resentful. I’ve been searching for 2 mo since my termination w/o offers. I worked for 4 years getting internships, while BF had no little experience prior to his temping. I coached him w/ interviews too. I keep feeling like he never properly thanked me – when he got a job, I was the one who treated him to a congrats dinner. No regrets, but I feel like I deserve a gesture too. It feels unfair. I invested a lot of time helping him, and now he is promoted to manager with less experience while I am unemployed! I realize it’s not healthy to feel resentful of good things happening to him.

He also travels a lot for work. Which means I’m stuck maintaining our home w/ little thanks. I blew up at him last night while he was on a trip. He gave me generic advice that made me feel unheard. I told him I felt betrayed because of how easily he got his position – he answered with “I worked hard for what I have now” which didn’t help. He says we are a team, but I feel abandoned.

How can I stop feeling this way? How do I make him understand how much this hurts?

[April Masini]

You’re projecting your anger about your job situation onto your boyfriend. 🙁 It’s normal for people to lash out at those they’re closest to — and you’ll see kids and teenagers taking out their frustrations about life on their parents because the parents are close to them and safe. As an adult, what you want to aim for is the ability to have your feelings, process them, and behave in a way that is productive. When you act out your feelings, you’re living on a lower level than if you have your feelings, but don’t act them out. I know you understand this — and you’re having trouble getting there, so consider this….

Anger is really a coverup for sadness. The truth is you’re acting angry because you haven’t gotten in touch with the fact that you’re sad and disappointed. You wish that you had a job and career that was successful. Everyone feels that way sometimes. 😉

The way to move past these feelings is to create a plan to better your life. Focus on your job search. What you’ve been doing may or may not be working, so consider some creative solutions. Maybe the job you’re looking for isn’t the only job you can get — and maybe you should consider other situations, other companies, other states and countries. You get it, I’m sure. Start networking. Give yourself a makeover as needed. Go to the gym and get the endorphins going and make cold calls and invite people for drinks to talk about job possibilities. If you can channel this anger you’re feeling, into a plan you put into action, you’ll stop hating on your boyfriend and the inequities in the world. 😉

[Author]

Posts