Boyfriend of 4 years left me & comes in and out of my life

[Butterfly]

April, I need advice bad! Me & this guy have been together for 4 years, we were each others first love, first everything. I’m only 17 so you could call us high school sweet hearts. He broke up with me 4 months ago & It’s been down hill since then. We were crazy in love we did everything together we were inseparable. He left me because he needed ‘time’ to be alone so I thought he would be back & he never came back. We don’t speak for weeks & i’ll be doing okay.. I mean I really took the break up hard & he always manages to sweet talk me into letting him come see me. Whenever he misses me he comes back to fill that void & once he fills that void he leaves and doesn’t contact me. It’s hard on me because I love this guy I’m crazy about him & I miss him crazy every day. I’ve spent so many sleepless nights crying, having my mom pick me up from the floor because I couldn’t move I’ve even locked myself in my room for weeks because I wanted to be alone. Whenever he comes back into my life he tells me everything I want to hear and it’s impossible to say no to him when he asks to come see me. He will come see me and everything will go perfect, we’ll act like we’re a brand new couple & we’ll do all of the physical stuff & he’ll be EXTREMELY sweet to me. But after the night ends.. he doesn’t know me anymore. He says he does not want to be with me but he still constantly comes in and out of my life & I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I hate when he leaves because I know we wont speak for weeks & it kills me. I really beat myself up a lot over this. I just need advice, bad. Thank you

[cutipie91]

YOU NEED TO IGNORE HIM…WHENEVER HE CALLS U JUST IGNORE IT…I HAVE BEEN IN UR POSITION BEFORE WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL MY MOM HAD TO GO GET ME FROM SCHOOL CUZ I COULDNT STOP CRYING….DNT LET IT RUIN YOUR LIFE!!! ITS GONNA BE HARD BUT UR GONNA DO IT…FIND SOMETHIN FUN THAT U LOVE TO DO THAT WILL GET HIM OFF UR MIND….

[April Masini]

First love and the impending first break up can be very, very hard on teenagers, so you are not alone in your feelings of despair over the break up. 🙁 Time will heal your heart, but there are other things you can do to feel better about your life, and not focus so much on the break up or on what you lost in your ended relationship.

One of the things you can do is to understand that teenage boys and teenage girls are different from each other. Boys don’t usually need as much attention as girls do, so your ex-boyfriend coming into your life, post break up, and then leaving for weeks on end, is very normal [i]for [b]him[/b][/i]. You, on the other hand, are a lot more sensitive to the time apart from him. You get your hopes built up every time he comes back to you, and then your heart is dashed each time he goes away again. While this pattern works for him, it clearly isn’t working for you. If you understand this dynamic and how it affects your feelings, you can choose to see him or not see him because of how it will make you feel. This requires some emotional distance on your part, which will be a test at your age — but I think you’re up to it! 😉 While you may desire his attention with your heart, use your brain to understand what you need to feel good not just in the moment, but over the course of the week. Seeing him like this, off and on, feels good in the moment, but during the week, when he’s not there, it feels rotten. It’s like candy — it tastes great when you’re eating it, but it’s bad for your teeth, your energy, your health, and basically, it’s just a quick fix. While your boyfriend was everything to you when you were in a relationship with him, now that you’re broken up, his visits are like that quick fix. It feels good to be with him when you see him, then rotten when he leaves. Treat your ex-boyfriend like candy. Use sparingly! 😆

The other thing you can do to get over him is to focus on yourself and what you do have — not so much what you’ve lost. I bet you’re pretty and healthy and maybe you’re athletic or artistic or social — use your assets to live your life so you can be productive and enjoy things. Put yourself in situations with positive people who have the same goals as you do — whether they’re social goals, educational goals, family goals, job goals, etc. This will get rid of the vacuum your break up created and instead, give you a rich life that a new boyfriend (and yes, you will have a second boyfriend at some point down the line) will enhance.

Hang in there, and make yourself the star of your own show. The curtain came down on Mr. Ex-Boyfriend. Time to set the stage for the next act in the blockbuster that you are making your life.

[Author]

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