[relationshipa1]

I am a 26 year old male and I am in a confused state regarding my ex-girlfriend. She is 22 years old and we dated for about 2 and a half years from june 2006 – october 2008. While we were together we were madly in love with each other and we lived together. Around september of 2008, we started having lots of arguments. A lot more than we usually do. I was going through an emotionally stressful time and then I started thinking about breaking up with her. One day we sat down to talk about the future of our relationship and we both agreed we would try to make it work. During this time, I have to say that I was also sleeping with a co worker who is more attractive than my ex-girlfriend. A few days after our talk, I invited the co worker over to my house because my ex-girlfriend would not be at home that day. Anyways, to cut the long story short, she came in and found myself and the co worker in the house. but we were not doing anything. we were just sitting on separate couches in the living room and talking. My ex-girlfriend came in the house and called me into the kitchen to ask who the woman in the living room was. I told her she was just a friend. My ex-girlfriend had just come back from a night with her friends so she was a little bit drunk. She didn’t believe me and instead she stormed out of the house saying that we were over. I was in a state of shock and confusion. I couldn’t move for a while. But also, for some strange reason, I felt relieved I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulder. We did not speak to each other until 2 days later when she came to begin taking her stuff. When she came, I told her that I slept with the other girl that night after she said we were broken up. I told her that it was best this way, that I did not think our relationship could work. She was extremely upset. She cried and I tried to comfort her. She left, and I spent the next few days with the other woman I was sleeping with. After a few days, I started to feel regret. It began to kill me that I had lost my girlfriend. I went into a state of depression where I could not eat, sleep, or do anything else for about 2 weeks. During that time, I called her and begged her to forgive me and take me back. She said she couldn’t. She said I hurt her too much and that she couldn’t. A few weeks later she came to see me and we had sex. With that happening, I tried some more to see if she would take me back. But she insisted that she can’t. To escape my pain and sorrow, I was still sleeping with the other woman. She gave me shoulder to lean on and I kept sleeping with her because I thought it would help me get over my ex-girlfriend. After months and months of pleading and trying to win my ex-girlfriend back, I began to lose hope. I did everything possible and even offered to make any changes to my life that she wanted me to. I was truly, genuinely willing to do anything she asked to get back with her. But she said there was nothing. She said she didn’t know if we would ever get back together but that at that point she couldn’t. I went as far as even writing her a love letter. But it did not work. Finally, one day she told me that she didn’t have any more romantic feelings for me and that she had already slept with 2 different guys and that she had feelings for one of the guys. I was devastated and at that point I gave up hope. I stayed out of contact with her for a while. When I regained contact with her, she was very upset because she thought that I wanted to cut her out of my life completely. She said she was hurt because she always wants me to be a part of her life and that she wants us to be friends and that she did not want to lose me. I agreed and then we met up for dinner. A week after dinner, we met at some party. I was there with my the girl I had been sleeping with. She was already in love with me and she kept pushing that I make her my girlfriend, but I couldn’t because i did not feel the same way about her. My attraction to her was strictly physical. That night, at the party, my ex-girlfriend came over to say hi to me. We ended up spending most of the night together talking and this upset the girl that I was sleeping with. She was so upset she started crying because she said I left her for my ex-girlfriend. In the heat of all this, there was a lot of emotions being shown and eventually, I asked one of my friends to take her home while I took my ex-girlfriend home. From that point on, I found me and my ex-girlfriend making out for the rest of the night. I took her home and we kissed some more. During the kissing, I kept telling her how much I love her and asking what she wants me to do to get back with her. She still kept insisting that she could not get back with me. Her reasons being that she was still hurt and that she needs to get over that before we can get back together. I must state that this happened about 7 months after we broke up. None of her reasons had to do with the guy she had feelings for. I left and called her the next day. I asked her if she regretted what had happened the night before and she said that she didn’t. Then I kept asking her why she got intimate with me. And she said that she still has feelings for me and that she always will but she still can’t get back with me. I became annoyed and frustrated and basically kept trying to make her see that we could fix it and make it work. She refused. After that, I did not contact her for a while. One day I contacted her again, and as always, she was very excited and also hurt that stopped contacting her. I explained to her that I think it is best if we just cut each other out of our lives. She became so hurt by this suggestion. I explained to her that I could not just be friends with her and that I wanted her back or nothing else. And that if I could not have her back, I would need to cut her off completely in order to get over her. She was extremely upset by this and pleaded with me that she did not want me out of her life. Eventually, she convinced me and I agreed that we would be friends. She asked me to meet up with her for dinner a few times but I found an excuse not to go. After a while we were out of contact again for a few weeks. During this time, I made the girl I was sleeping with my new girlfriend. Finally, I contacted her again, and as always, she was excited as well as hurt because I had not contacted her for a while. Anyways, we agreed to meet up for drinks. We met up for drinks and talked a lot. Our meeting felt exactly how we were before we broke up for both me and her. There was no awkwardness and as a matter of fact, we enjoyed it so much neither of us really wanted to leave. During the night, she told me that she didn’t think she was ready to be in a relationship with anyone because of the after effects of our relationship. With regards to the guys she had feelings for, she told me that she did originally but when she got to know him better, she could not stand him because he was the complete opposite of me. And she didn’t like that. She said she was also still sleeping with another guy occasionally but that she did not have any feelings for him at all and that they were just sleeping together occasionally. That night, we agreed that we would keep in regular contact with each other. She then invited me to her best friend’s party which was in two days time. My friends and I went to the party, and the whole night, she stayed with me. I asked her to spend some time with her friends but she refused and instead stood by my side the whole night. We danced, drank, talked, and started kissing and touching each other again. We even took pictures that had people thinking we were back together. After the party, I went home with her and we spent hours kissing. I also tried to talk to her about us getting back together. This time around she said, she wasn’t sure if she would trust me if we got back together. We both wanted to have sex that night, but we could not because she was on her period. After we kissed and touched each other some more, she went to sleep and I went home early in the morning. She texted me the next day to see how I was doing. I called her and we talked for about an hour just about general stuff but not about us. What happened the night before did not bother me or her (even though she knows I have a new girlfriend that I do not really have feelings for). I asked her when I would see her again, and she said she wanted to see me as soon as possible. So we agreed that we would go to the movies in a few days time.

I know this is a very long story but I would really like for someone (preferably a woman) to give me advice on this. I want to get back with my ex-girlfriend and will do anything to make it happen. From what I have told you above, do you think there is still hope for us? Do you think she will eventually agree to get back with me? Why is she still wanting to sleep with me? Why does she want us to keep in regular contact and spend more time together? I also want to know what is going on in her head from a woman’s point of view because I am very confused. She says that she doesn’t want to get back with me but she does not hesitate to get intimate with me or spend time with me. What should I do? Any advice would be welcome. Thanks

[April Masini]

I would not advise getting back together with this girlfriend. When you cheated on her, she lost a lot of trust in you, and that’s been keeping her from giving you her whole heart for all this time.

She may want to sleep with you because it’s familiar, the sex was good, you’re comfortable with each other, and she’s not sleeping with anyone else right now. It could be as simple as that — she wants sex, and you’re available. But she doesn’t want to do it on any long term basis because she doesn’t trust you.

It sounds like you really enjoy dating women and playing the field, but you also want intimacy and monogamy, and it’s almost impossible to have all three of those things! Until you sort out what you’re ready to commit to — playing the field, intimacy and/or monogamy, you’re going to continue to find yourself in these pickles.

[Author]

Posts