Casual Relationship (Please Help)

[midnightlilly]

What does having a casual relationship mean?

I think that is currently what I am having with a man that I have known for awhile. I was really trying to get over him and he dragged me back in over the weekend. I went out on Saturday night, and he was at the same bar I like to drink at, when it was time to leave, he took off to another bar down the street, our friends called him and tried to get him to come back, but he was pretty drunk and being quite a pain. So I said “oh hell,” I’ll just go get him, I dragged him out of the bar and what do you know our friends left him. I am so attracted to this man, I took him home and we slept together again. I had a few beers but I was not that drunk, I never stay the night with him, I usually leave by 7am. I really would like to stay with him, but I have a nosy mother, I finally just told her that is where I am.
I know he is a jerk, he has told me several times what he is, but I just don’t let him bother me. He knows that I care about him, and if I wasn’t so cool and knew better the two ” I love you’s” he said might be taken the wrong way. He said nice things about my body, ” don’t change it.” I know that I don’t love him, I believe that it takes a long time to love someone, I only care about him.

I don’t know if he set me up, or our friends set us up, or it was just coincidence. He came up to me in the bar and said “Oh there you are”, I got up and walked away, then I was chatting with some people and he grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I think our friends know what is going on between us. I am just ready to yell at him because he texts me and asks me if I am ignoring him. Then I text him back and he ignores me. I really don’t know how he feels about me, we have never talked about it.

I just wish he would be honest with me, and end it or say what he wants. I am at the point where I just don’t care, I asked a guy out that I met a couple of weeks ago and had plans this weekend, but now I probably should cancel them, since I have went and done this again.

I should have stayed away, we broke it off two weeks ago and I said that I did not want to see him for awhile, and he said back let’s take a break for awhile. I am just one screwed up woman, my emotions are bouncing off the walls. Do I have the right to confront him? I already know that he is going to hurt me, because he doesn’t really want me. He’s just drunk, I have been drinking when we come together, but he always calls me when he is in a jam.

[optimistvik]

I dont want to give any advise but just a word of caution see to it that he dont break your heart. play safe.

[April Masini]

I can help you with this one! 🙂

Your friend wants to have sex with you, when it’s convenient for him, and that’s it. You will never get a commitment from him. Just sex. When he wants it.

In answer to your question at the bottom of your post, no, you do not have a right to confront him. He hasn’t done anything wrong. You turned the tables, and pursued him, as if you were a guy. You went home with him and slept with him, then left at 7 a.m. He’s now got all the power, because he’s become the girl in the relationship and you want him more than he wants you. He holds all the cards, and can get what he wants from you. Which in this case, is just sex. He’ll text you, call you, or flirt with you and act like you’re together when he wants sex, but as soon as he gets it, he’ll be focused on himself again.

Try not to pretend that his texts, e-mails, calls and flirting are genuine tokens of affection. They’re not. They’re just tools he uses to get sex from you. So, don’t trick yourself into thinking something is going on that isn’t. That should alleviate a lot of your confusion.

You don’t need to “break it off” because there is nothing [b]to[/b] break off. Just ignore him. That’ll give you your freedom! 🙂

I would, however, caution you against taking the male role in relationships any more. Stop asking men out on dates. If you don’t, you’re going to continually find yourself in this kind of situation over and over again. Break this pattern, and [b]you[/b] be the girl for a change! 🙂

[midnightlilly]

Your friend wants to have sex with you, when it’s convenient for him, and that’s it. You will never get a commitment from him. Just sex. When he wants it. [i]I knew that after the first couple of times, his friends just left him for me to deal with on Saturday, did they set us up, or was I just stupid again?
[/i]
In answer to your question at the bottom of your post, no, you do not have a right to confront him. He hasn’t done anything wrong. You turned the tables, and pursued him, as if you were a guy. You went home with him and slept with him, then left at 7 a.m. He’s now got all the power, because he’s become the girl in the relationship and you want him more than he wants you. He holds all the cards, and can get what he wants from you. Which in this case, is just sex. He’ll text you, call you, or flirt with you and act like you’re together when he wants sex, but as soon as he gets it, he’ll be focused on himself again. [i] Yeah, you’re probably right, he does have the power. This isn’t an excuse, but I still live at home and have a nosy mother who wants to know what I am doing.
[/i]
Try not to pretend that his texts, e-mails, calls and flirting are genuine tokens of affection. They’re not. They’re just tools he uses to get sex from you. So, don’t trick yourself into thinking something is going on that isn’t. That should alleviate a lot of your confusion. [i]Nah, I knew he was manipulating me, he has done it before and I let him get by with it.
[/i]
You don’t need to “break it off” because there is nothing to break off. Just ignore him. That’ll give you your freedom! 🙂 [i] I never thought of it that way, so I really am a free woman, if I talked to other guys that I liked, I felt bad like I was cheating somehow.[/i]

I would, however, caution you against taking the male role in relationships any more. Stop asking men out on dates. If you don’t, you’re going to continually find yourself in this kind of situation over and over again. Break this pattern, and you be the girl for a change! 🙂 [i]I know, but then I would never get dates…[/i]

[April Masini]

It took me a little while to figure out that you had reposted my response, and then put your own questions in italics! Hope that helps any other readers who are confused. 😉

In response to your question about not knowing if your friends set you up or not — it doesn’t matter. Truly! It doesn’t matter one iota what your friends did or didn’t do. It’s all about what [b]you[/b] do! You know, if your friends tell you to jump off a bridge, you probably shouldn’t do it! 😆 You have to use your own common sense and your own sense of responsibility for your actions. So, if you spent the night with your boyfriend, that’s on you — not them. It doesn’t matter if they set you up, wanted you to sleep with him, or didn’t want you to sleep with them. All that matters is [i]your[/i] behavior.

As for your second point about living with your “nosy mother” and wondering if you have a right to confront your boyfriend, again, it really doesn’t matter what she wants to know or not know. It’s all about you. You can’t make other people your excuses for yourself. You have to decide how you want to live your life, and what decisions you choose to make. Your mom has a right to be nosy, but that has nothing to do with what you decide to do.

I’m glad that you can now see yourself as a free woman! You can talk to, flirt with, and date whomever you want. You [b]are[/b] free! 🙂

And lastly, but most importantly, you’re wrong when you say that if you don’t ask men out you’d never have dates. You would definitely have dates — especially if you adhere to my rules, tips and advice in Think & Date Like A Man. And more importantly, because you didn’t approach the men as the aggressor, you would know who really wants to take you out, and not just for sex, but because they want the whole package with you. Of course, that requires some discrimination — if all you want is sex, that’s not so hard to get! — but if you want Mr. Right and the whole nine yards of the fairy tale life, you really do have to start acting like the girl! 😎

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