Co-Worker and Single Mom

[ghyo3]

Hi April,

I started a new job and it’s 99% females that work there, which I’m not complaining. I will be working with people with special needs. Anyway, I started talking to a co-worker who is just fascinating. We have a lot of things in common, she’s very attractive, smart,funny, but is a single mom to a one-year old. I’m in my late twenties and she’s only a couple of years younger than me. We have gone out a couple of times for lunch, but I don’t know if they’re considered dates. This is my first time that I have gone out with a single mom and I know time and priority is against me. I scheduled a “regular date” on a Friday night and unfortunately she cancelled on the last minute due to a babysitter canceling. The first time we had lunch it was just a spontaneous thing. The next one I planned ahead but she canceled because of her other job. When she canceled I thought she wasn’t interested anymore but then a couple of days later asked me if I wanted to meet for lunch, which I gladly accepted.

A lot of guys would tell me to run as far away as possible and not even bother, but I’m going to be patient and see where this goes. I’ve dated other women and had not felt that strong of a connection, but with this one I know there is that connection and I can feel it when we talk and share a good laugh. Mostly all my co-workers are female and I like to talk and joke around with a lot of them and I don’t want to let this become an issue if I start dating this girl I’m talking to. I’ve never had a girlfriend because I was always picky and didn’t want the drama that came in the relationship. But I finally found someone that I don’t mind sharing drama with, someone that I have true strong connection with and just don’t want to date for the sex. With her being a single mom, I’ve heard their dating views change. My questions are, should I talk about my intentions on the first or second date, or just wait to see where it goes? Will this be a turn off and make it seem like I’m moving way too quick? Do single moms respect a man who is willing to be patient and understand that dates can be canceled, or does it make him seem like that “nice guy”?

[April Masini]

[quote]My questions are, should I talk about my intentions on the first or second date, or just wait to see where it goes? Will this be a turn off and make it seem like I’m moving way too quick? Do single moms respect a man who is willing to be patient and understand that dates can be canceled, or does it make him seem like that “nice guy”?[/quote]

I think that a first or second date are too soon to talk about your intentions. They’re really to connect and see if you like each other enough to continue dating. 😉 Most single moms are going to be looking to date someone who’s not just going to fit into their lives, but into their child’s life, too, so she’ll probably be thinking about that. And if she had a babysitting mishap on the last date, I’d give it another try. If she cancels last minute twice in a row — and doesn’t apologize profusely, she may just not be ready to date. Single parents, both men and women, have child care issues, but there are lots of good babysitters in life, and if she’s unorganized or isn’t ready to leave her child alone, or isn’t ready to date — those may be reasons for multiple, serial cancellations. But right now…. she’s just cancelled once. I wouldn’t read too much into it, yet. But do wait a little bit to give her time to think about what she may have missed…. and when you do ask, tell her, “Shall we try that date again?” so she knows that it’s a real date and you’re aware that she cancelled and are still in the game — for now!

Hope that helps!

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