Conflict of Interest: Work Relationship

[confused1]

My husband and I are in the middle of a divorce. Neither of us love each other anymore but we also work together and can rarely get along. I’ll make it clear that we do not work closely together and rarely cross paths. To make matters further complicated, before the divorce was final I started a relationship with a co-worker in management. This co-worker (adam) and I fell in love but our relationship was threatened because of the conflict of interest problem. He was threatened he would lose his job if anyone found out we had a relationship as it could also potentially cause my soon-to-be ex-husband to provoke a fight. Out of fear, I suppose, Adam quit talking to me as much all of a sudden, ignores me at work(saying he does so because he has to) and assured me he would be there when the divorce was final but also said he didn’t know what would happen because even though the papers will be signed, we all still work together and would have to keep it confidential but he seemed very down and concerned saying he wasn’t getting his hopes up about us. We talk once in a while over the phone but he gets angry now when I ask if he’s still waiting or still feels for me as he says I need to not think about him until it’s done and that I’m pushing him away by asking so much. In this economy I can’t up and quit my job and my ex isn’t willing to leave either. I am worried that between the month or two it will take to complete the divorce and not talking to each other that it will make Adam lose feelings for me. I also wonder how we can make this work while working together…can he really lose his job even after the divorce is final if we continue our relationship and also keep working together? Or does our only chance rely on me finding a new job?

[tricia]

You are really in a complicated situation. I do hope that you do know the consequences before you jump in on that relationship.Well, you have no choice but to take all the risks of the actions you made. Stand your decision, it’s either stay on the company and take the risk might happen or look for a new job.

[relation]

Don’t make yourself too obvious to anyone in your work place. carry on with the relation u have. when a considerable time gap occurs after the divorce its then u can talk about it…

[Colin Arthur]

[quote]Don’t make yourself too obvious to anyone in your work place. carry on with the relation u have. when a considerable time gap occurs after the divorce its then u can talk about it…[/quote]

I agree!! 😉

That’s the reason why some company and establishment doesn’t hire couples, cousins, sisters and brothers and any other form of relationship for it may ruin the concentration of their employer.

[April Masini]

Most people find love relationships at work, since that’s where they spend most of their days and lives. So, it’s understandable that you and your husband are working at the same company. But since you’re divorcing, you already realize that love comes and goes, and sometimes relationships come and go, even after you pledge to stay together until death do you part. So expecting Adam to promise to be there forever — or even for three months — is unrealistic of you. Get a cappucino and take a good whiff.

Second newsflash: Divorce proceedings get ugly when one party starts dating. This happens regardless of who initiated the divorce. You would be wise to cool or quit your relationship with Adam until your divorce is finalized. Worst case scenario is that Adam breaks up with you and starts fueling your soon to be ex-husband’s case against you in court. That could cost you spousal support or alimony and custody if you have children. Divorces can get ugly.

And lastly, but most importantly, it’s very normal for a divorcing spouse to want to replace the lost relationship. That said, it’s too soon for you. My advice is to call it quits with Adam, and do it in a friendly way. Explain that it’s in your own best interests to simplify your life until your divorce is finalized. Then either don’t date anyone, or only date on the down low outside of work with people you meet and who work at places other than your employment.

The time alone will be good for you. You need to grieve your marriage and process the failure and loss. You need to support yourself emotionally before you can achieve another healthy relationship. Think about it as if you broke a leg. You wouldn’t start jogging again the week you got the cast off. You’d wait until the bone was properly healed to ensure a healthy jogging lifestyle. Well, the same is true with dating after divorce.

And besides, if you do the breaking up, you may very well avoid being dumped by Adam who sounds like he’s really having trouble with the work place scenario, understandably. He may be ready to cut you loose, and that’s going to be disheartening and possibly humiliating not just personally, but in the workplace.

Be brave. You can do it. You can face your fears of being alone. It won’t be forever. But take things in the correct order, and don’t create chaos or drama to distract yourself from the divorce.

[Author]

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