Confused

[Aleeciya111]

Hi,
I’ve been with my bf for nearly 15 months and have posted on here previously when there have been issues ,which has given me perspective on things.Thanks!
Within everyone we all have an idea of the kind of relationship we want to have, and although there have been a few problems mainly with communication and him finanancially inputing into the relationship, we’ve worked things much to the the help of reading relationship books and me being empathetic to all he has been through in his life.
I am 29 and he is 41, and I guess after knowing him now nearly five years, Im looking to the future and anticipating if there is one for us.He is a quiet person, loyal, doesn’t live with me but is here 6 out of 7 nights, and we take my kids out together and most of the time we play happy families well. He finds it quite difficult still to open up to me, and only recently told me how much money he earns.He was homeless when he was younger and has a real phobia of moving in in case he ends up that way again. Because I am financially in a better position than him, with my own home, it worries me that he keeps saying he will move in and then doesnt..
The church is a big part of his life and I have been supportive with him working a 50 hour week in his day job and a further 20 hours a fortnite at the church.My dilemma is emotionally we don’t seem to be connecting , and because I crave that connection, I miss him when he works all Sunday and he sees that as me making him feel bad and not supporting him with church and he feels he is losing his spirit.
He told me last night that even if we had a child together he would still attend church from 9 am until 10 pm each Sunday.I am very family orientateda nd Im finding this all difficult to understand. He says most guys play sports all day whats the difference.I’m also starting to feel lonely from the lack of conversation and communication. He says he’s learnt to be settled in himself so he doesnt need that conversation like me.
This is extremely upsetting that he is exhausted from his work and diabetes and never has the energy to stay up a bit later and laugh, have conversation- and emotionally connect with me-We try to talk about things and it ends up him going to sleep, then to work with no contact with me until he sees me again, even then he ignores the issues.Is it dilusional that I expect him to care if Im upset and make time to sort it out, or even send me a text showing that Im of value and its important that Im ok? He just becomes so down in himself that he is making me unhappy and I cant keep trying to console him when the situation is eating me up inside.I’m also starting to wonder if something is wrong with me because Im not happy?Or has the honeymooon period just gone?
Would appreciate feedback. Thanks

[libra1963]

I can connect with your pain. I too am trying to come out of a very similiar relationship. You will find that it goes on for years with no change and your life will just slip away.

If you are not happy with what he is giving, tell him and then end the relationship. You cant change men. Deep down you know there is a problem and you know what that problem is. I am like you, very independent with my own money etc. Some men like independent women, some find us scary.

Another solution would be to rent out your house and find somewhere to rent that where the rent is shared by you both. That might make him feel mopre like a man and making a contribution in the relationship. At less you can end a rental agreement fairly easily if it does not work out. Where the church is concerned, this sounds very important to him. May be you sould try an join in. Some churches have a real family feel to them and this could be why he enjoys it.

Let us know wat you plan to do. John Gray has written some really good books that has made me understand men better.

Let us know how you get on.

[April Masini]

[b]Aleecyia111[/b], you are a glutton for punishment and you never take the advice I give you. I clicked on your name and read the last five posts you wrote me about this relationship and I’ve given you so much free advice that you don’t take over and over and over. In fact other readers have chimed in, too — and you don’t take their advice, either. Do you need a neon sign? 🙄 This guy is MR. WRONG. There should be nothing confusing about that. Your confusion is a mystery to me. You’ve now wasted fifteen months of your life with a guy who isn’t ever going to bring you happiness or respect.

I’ve been gentle and kind with you; I’ve been harsh with you; I’ve been analytical; I’ve been simple — but you just seem to want to stay in a bad relationship. This is very sad and unfortunate.

You’re certainly free to vent here, but it’s really a waste of time to get good advice and throw it away. Sorry. I hope you get it together and get rid of this guy.

[Author]

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