[confusedman]

Hello April,

I dated this girl 5 months ago for 1 month. I really liked her as a person and respected her as a woman, so I took things very slow with her, and I felt she wanted to take things slow. We would have fun together, and talk about the future. She hinted that she wants to go all the way, as in marriage, and I told her that is something that I would look forward to as well. We didn’t have sex yet, and I was planning on taking her out to a romantic place for a weekend getaway. Then one day she just said she wants to be friends and that shes not ready to be in a relationship. I got hurt because it confused me. A few weeks go by and I send her a friendly text and she replies kindly. And as time went by she would text me sometimes to see how I’m doing. Then communication just ended. Last time I had contact with her was early November. (before I go any further, I believe the reason she wanted to end it is because I didn’t put out).

Fast forward to mid December. She would text me, and wish me happy days. At this point, I didn’t even think of her as a friend. So I would reply back kindly, with not many words. She then would try her hardest to get me to arrange a meeting without asking me directly. She would try to get me to ask her to hang out. At this point we didn’t call each other anymore, it was all text based. She would text me late at night, telling me to have a good night and such and such. I was getting a little confused as to what her intentions are. I dont know of any friends that would text me that late to wish me a good night. But I didnt put much thought into it. She would also text me when she got drunk.

Then came New Years Eve. I haven’t talked to her for like a week, so I texted her on the the 30th to see how she was doing, and she got very excited for some reason. I told her that I got a new car similar to hers and she demanded that i take her for a ride. On New Years Eve, she came to my sisters party. (she is good friends with my sister). I haven’t seen her for awhile; once I saw her, I felt attracted to her again and I felt her being attracted to me. I wouldn’t pay much attention to her at the party though, but I wouldn’t ignore her. I would talk for a bit and then go off. However, she would come try to and talk to me and get my attention whenever she could. She would hug me and kiss me on the cheek, and was just super nice to me. I was flattered. The night ended and she left, hugging me again and kissing me on the cheek. She would then text me at 2am that night telling me that she really enjoyed seeing me again and that I looked great. etc. The next morning on New Years, she texted me saying that her brother thinks that her and I should go out (i met her brother at the party). I didnt know what to think, so I said that her brother is right. She got all happy and then asked me when I can take her for a ride in my new car. I said I dont know when, but I’ll let her know. Later that day I asked her to dinner and she happily agreed.She would put her hands on my lap and treat me like she did when we were dating. She then would give clues that she wants to see me again. When I took her home, she gave me a New Years kiss. I have to say that I was excited. However, from that day on, I would do all the contacting. She wouldn’t initiate. She would respond to me quickly, but I was kind of dissapointed that she wouldn’t at least initiate once. Anyway, we hung out a few times after that, and I would spontaneously kiss her here and there and put the moves on her and she would gladly accept and get very happy and surprised. I was trying to test her to see where this was going. A week later i texted her at work, asking her to dinner the following nite to a really nice restuarant. She responded, asking if I’m asking her out on a date. I said yes. I didn’t hear back from her until late at night. She texted me asking me if I thought it was a good idea if we date again. I replied saying that I dont think its a bad idea. She replied with a smiley face, and then replied again saying that she’s not ready to date me again, but then she said that if I wish to ask her out, that she hopes I ask her out from the heart, and that shes looking forward to a relationship where she can grow with her partner. So I told her that I wouldn’t ask her out again if I didn’t feel anything for her, and that if I do ask her out, it would be coming from the heart. She now initiates conversations, and tries to get me to ask her out to places, but I dont know what to do. I saw her once after that, but I didn’t treat her like a date. I treated her like a friend, mostly because I was confused. She said shes not ready to date me again, but would let me put the moves on her?.. At this point, I dont know what to do. I dont want to go in the friends zone.

What should I do April? I really like this girl and i know she likes me, and I feel that she wants to date again as well. Is she testing my interest?

[April Masini]

Your confusion is internal. It’s not coming from her — it’s coming from you. You have to man up and be the one to decide what you want from her and then go for it. What you seem to be doing instead, is a push-pull act where you act like you want to go out with her, but then you look for her to do the initiating and hint dropping.

Clearly, she’s interested in you, so if you want to date her, ask her out, take her out, and be clear in your intentions. Don’t be afraid of rejection because, frankly, if she rejects you, you’ll stop wasting your time on a relationship that’s not really getting off the ground here. Get out of limbo and have the relationship with her — don’t. You’ll be a lot less confused — I promise! 😀

What you want to avoid is texting without dating. It’s misleading. If you continue to do that you’re going to continue to be really confused. Don’t act like you’re friends — act like you’re a boyfriend or a potential boyfriend. Be clear with her that that’s what you want — not a friendship. If you’re clear, she’ll be able to be clear.

I hope that helps.

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