Dating a guy who’s "been around"

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  • #7793
    larrysgirls
    Participant

    We are in our 50’s. I am dating a man I met in our service club. I am a member just 5 years and he has been a member 22 years. We are also friends in a cycling group. I found out initially that he has dated and slept with all of the single females in the small biking group. That bothered me. I am getting advice from my friends that it should be irrelevant to me, but it makes me uncomfortable around them. I am also finding out that he has dated and slept with several women in our service club, granted over a long history with the club. Questions are: Am I justified in feeling uncomfortable about this? Why does this bother me so much? What is the best approach I can take in dealing with him on this issue?

    #34643
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    Sure, you’re justified! Your feelings are your feelings. And you want the guy you’re dating to be all yours and to not have shared intimacies with other women — and if he has, you’d like those women to be distanced from you, so you don’t feel like you’re sharing him, or that he’s shared these intimate experiences he has with you, with others. There is nothing wrong with that. Most people feel this to some degree at some time with someone they’re dating. Sometimes people feel jealous of a widow or widower’s deceased spouse. Sometimes they’re jealous of an ex spouse. And sometimes they’re just jealous of an ex. Welcome to normal. 😉 That said, you don’t want your feelings to interfere with your life. So, decide where you want to draw the line. Some people won’t date someone after that person has dated their sister or brother. Other people think it makes a lot of sense to date a sibling’s ex. Some people don’t want to date a BFF’s ex, while others are okay with it. Your comfort zone is yours alone.

    If you want to continue to date him, now knowing he’s dated your friends and colleagues, then you can. But if you find that this is too upsetting to you then decide that the two of you are incompatible because of his past dating life, and find someone outside of this circle to date.

    I hope that helps.

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