Did he just want to get in my pants?

[relationshipa1]

This guy and I have been on about 5 or 6 dates. We are really into each other and I like him a lot. He’s cooked me dinner, taken me to watch him at his hockey game, etc. So the other night I was at his house watching a movie and we ended up having sex. oops. it just happened. I’ve only slept with 2 men my entire life (including him) and he knows this. The morning after I left his house at 8:30am and I hugged him and told him bye. because I didn’t want to look clingy sleeping in bed with him all day long and I think he got a little mad. He asked why I left and I was honest…and all he said was “oh,ok.” So the same day, a few hours after I left he texted me and said hey and was being nice. he asked me to go to his hockey game again and I said yes. I got ready and everything and waited for him to call and he didn’t. I texted him and said what is going on? and he said he wasn’t going because he was feeling sick and had food poisoning. I didn’t believe him…and he said Why the hell not! I was like “i don’t know.” And he wrote back whatever. Well I ignored the situation til yesterday and I felt bad because I never give people a chance, and I told him sorry, that I was in a weird mood. He has been very short with me, I said “don’t be mad at me” and he said “why is that?” and I said “because I am Sorry!” and he never wrote back. So today I decided to text him and I told him “I was sorry once again, and that I had never done something like that (sleeping with someone before a relationship) and I misjudged the situation too soon.” He said he doesn’t know if he wants to continue hanging out, that he thinks I am weird now, and overall said I freaked out over nothing and he “isn’t down with that, and he isn’t sure what to do because he has to think.” Is this just an excuse for not talking to me after getting in my pants, or do you think I should leave him alone for a while and see if he contacts me? I really like him.

[April Masini]

This isn’t about this guy wanting to get into your pants. This is about you being new to dating. That’s all. He didn’t do anything wrong. He just wasn’t ready for or interested in someone who had “rules” like yours that were different than his. So take a breath and relax. It’s all going to be okay.

First of all, if you had 5 or 6 dates and then slept with him, I can tell you that he did like you a lot, and that you were in a relationship, contrary to your thinking you slept with him before you were in a relationship. There was nothing wrong with your sleeping with him at that time — normally. But as you’ve admitted, this was only the second guy you’ve slept with, so you don’t quite have a “normally” yet. 🙂 There was no reason for you to freak out, except that somehow in your head, you did something wrong. You didn’t.

When you left him at 8:30 a.m. the next day, that was okay, too. But when you told him that you didn’t want to appear clingy, and that was why you left, [i]that[/i] was a mistake. 🙁 What you were basically telling him was that in spite of your feelings, your [i]appearance[/i] to him is more important. Look, it’s okay to not want to appear clingy, but the way to do it is to smile, kiss him passionately at the door, and tell him what a great night it was, what an incredible lover he was, and that you’ve got some things to take care of today. Then flash him a giant smile as you leave. That would have given the appearance of not being clingy, but when you tell him your game plan, he realizes you’ve got an agenda and you’re spilling your hand, and not playing it well.

When he cancelled his next date with you because he had food poisoning, it was really wrong of you to tell him you disbelieved him. If he did have food poisoning, you wind up looking like someone who doesn’t care about him. If he didn’t have food poisoning, then you would have been wiser to take the hint that he didn’t want to see you again, and move on without creating drama by telling him your feelings about his text.

That was the end of things in his mind. And you probably knew it, subconsciously, and started to chase him after that. BIG MISTAKE. You must never chase guys — EVER. You can see for yourself how that works out! Men want to be the ones to do the chasing, so if something is going right or if something is going wrong, let him be the one to ask you out and contact you.

So, at this point, I think your relationship with this guy is over. You can try and shirk responsibility for being dumped by rationalizing that he just wanted to get into your pants, but my advice is to accept your responsibility for the break up, and learn from it. You’re in the very beginning of your dating life! If you take what you learned and apply it, your next boyfriend will be more compatible because you won’t be so neurotic about the relationship. Sorry — but it’s true.

You’d be wise to get my book, Think & Date Like A Man, at this link[url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], and read it this weekend. It’s a step by step guide on dating for women with the thrust at getting the guy you want. Because you’re new to dating, and want to be good at it, this book will really help you a lot!

Anyway, I’m sorry that this relationship is over. For now. This guy isn’t committed to you enough to want to work through things with you, and that’s good to know. It’s much better to get the truth about people sooner rather than later. He doesn’t like you as much as you like him. And, it may be that he’s looking for someone who’s more at his level of experience when it comes to dating, and isn’t willing to compromise. Or, it may be that he’s had enough of you and wants to look elsewhere. Regardless, you’re out of moves.

Let this guy go, and be glad that it’s only been half a dozen or so dates and not half a dozen or so months before you got to this point with him. Make this fall and winter your best dating season ever! Starting today. 😀

[hailgrail]

@TS
i think you are just worried because you gave yourself already to this guy without any commitment, and you are not used to casual sex as this is just the second time you slept with a guys.
you cant blame the guy yet for not bringing you up besides you two are not committed yet, my girlfirend and i slept together for the first time when our relationship is already five years.

[April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

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