[xooooveeoooox]

Hello all…let me first start by saying that I am 25 yrs old my boyfriend just turned 27. We are in a long distance relationship. We began dating in November and I moved to a town 3 hrs away (From Miami to Orlando) in December. I know a lot of people will say that we were dating too short a time to commit to a long distance thing and maybe they are right, but there were some extenuating circumstances that made me think we could overcome this. We spoke on the phone for about 2-3 weeks before we went on our first date, and the night of our first date, after he dropped me off he had an accident and ended up fracturing his hip and breaking his femur at the neck of the bone. He texted me the morning after our first date, letting me know he was in the ER, I left work and went to go see him, and stayed with him until they wheeled him into surgery, he texted me after he got out and thanked me for staying with him, saying it showed what a great person I was and from then on we saw each other almost every day until the day I moved.

At the time I told him I was moving I gave him the option to back out if he wanted to and I told him I would understand if he didn’t want to pursue anything long distance. He assured me that he did want to pursue it because he thought we got along really well.

At first when I moved everything was great, we spoke by phone several times a day and texted each other constantly. Ive gone back to visit twice since moving (the first time from Jan 1 till the 5th to go to his best friends wedding with him, the 2nd time from Jan 20-26 to celebrate his bday on the 21st) both times he has paid for my trip down there but each visit he would have his friends over almost all day every day of the visit and I spent alot of time kind of being ignored in favor of his friends. (there has been no “relations” due to his injury btw, although I have”helped” him out and the favor has not been returned)

Lately, because the texts and phone calls have waned I was worried that maybe he was pulling away or regretting the idea of a long distance relationship. Also, he was getting cleared for 100% weight bearing from his surgeon, which I knew would change the dynamic of our relationship. So from urging from my friends to speak up for myself I decided to ask him if everything was OK with him. This is where I think I made the mistake, I sent him a text asking him to call me when he would have some time to speak freely. He called me but was on his way to the local pharmacy to pick up some things he needed. I asked him if everything was OK with him and if he was still “feeling” the relationship, he said he was…and I said I guess the worst thing you could say to a guy “where is this going?”(when I guess what I really meant was, know that you can walk and go out, are you going to go out and forget about me? and that insecurity comes from past unhealthy relationships I have been in)…at that point he told me that this wasn’t a conversation he felt he could have while at the pharmacy and he would call me back when he got home…..this was on Thursday at 8pm…..he hasnt called or texted me since then.

I tried to be firm and hold my ground and I did not call or text him at all thursday but finally caved and sent him a text last night saying “hey”…I still havent gotten a response…..

Did I ruin everything and scare him away?? Is there a way to recover from this? He is a great guy and I hope I didnt screw things up 🙁….some advice on what I could do, if there is anything I actually can do would be greatly appreciated!

**edit to add that in the short conversation we did have before he told me he would call me back he did mention being very stressed for having been out of work for 2 months and there being no projects for him so he is essentially unemployed right now, he also said that “we are vibing” right now, getting to know each other…**

So did I maybe rush things and scare him off? If he was actually interested wouldnt he have just called back a little later like he said he would, instead of leaving me hanging for 2 days? Im

[April Masini]

It’s not that you messed things up — it’s that there really wasn’t a hard core relationship TO mess up. You’re investing way more in the time you’ve spent together than he has, and he’s not interested in pursuing the relationship. I know you think that since you spent time with him while he was in the hospital that you somehow cemented things, and it was a kind gesture on your part, but the energy hasn’t been returned.

If you’re the kind of woman who has a caretaker streak, be careful that you don’t take care of everyone else except yourself. Don’t pretend there’s a relationship before there is one. And DON’T call or text guys to see if they’re “feeling the relationship”. Mistake. No guy wants that kind of pressure or to be put in back seat instead of the driver’s seat of a relationship.

You should read my book, Think & Date Like A Man, for more dating advice. You’ll benefit from it. You can download the book here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

After you read the book, forget this guy, and focus on meeting someone in Orlando, not on a guy who’s not into you, [i]and [/i]who lives three hours away.

[Author]

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