[travelgirl713]

I am currently in a relationship of a year-and-a-half. I love him very much. He’s a wonderful man who makes me the first priority in his life and is very kind and loving. I feel as though we are getting to a point where our relationship will move to the next level (marriage). The problem is that I have feelings for a man that I have grown up with and am very good friends with. He was my first kiss. Today, he lives in a different state and I very rarely see him. He has never stated that he has feelings for me. It may be my own insecurities creeping through but I often think that he doesn’t have feelings for me, though we have never talked about it. He had feelings for me about 10 years ago and I didn’t feel the same at that time. I compare my boyfriend to this man and he doesn’t always measure up. It’s not fair for me to do that but I don’t know how to stop.

Do I tell him how I feel? I guess my worst fear is that he’ll say he has feelings too and then I won’t know what to do with my current boyfriend. I would miss him terribly and would never want to hurt him. But, I’ve had feelings for this man for years.

[toria]

From my own experience, it’s better to close one chapter before opening another. Ask yourself why you are having feelings for the guy of 10 years. No one but you can really say for sure. If it’s because he is the one you compare everyone else to, it means he’s the ideal man in your eyes and you deserve the man of your dreams. If it’s because he’s the guy you’ve come to know the best so it’s easy to measure guys to him, you need to distance yourself from him until you’ve fully explored the relationship you’re in.

I say, start by putting distance between you and the guy from your past so that you can focus on the guy you’re with. If after a month or two of no contact with the guy from your past you can’t keep him off your mind, your current relationship isn’t strong enough to go to the next level and you need to take a break from it until you know which way to go with the guy from your past.

[April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you.

[Author]

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