Does he actually like me?

[confused]

Dear April,
I just moved back to my home town after breaking up with my boyfriend of two in half years. It was my choice, because I did not love him anymore. But my brother introduced me to his best friend, who had broken up with his girlfriend six months ago. We instantly connected, and we started staying up till four in the morning each night talking online. Finally he asked me to a movie, and soon he was coming over at night, but we would just talk. Then I went over to his house to spend the night, and we ended up having sex. We have slept together four times now. Its really passionate and afterwards, he cuddles with, rubs my back or plays with my hair, and I’ll even wake up to him rubbing my face or kissing my lips. Its been a month now. We talk non stop when we’re together, and thats usually two to three times a week. But when we’re not physically together, we barely talk. He’ll send me a few texts throughout the day, but I really want to talk more, but he doesn’t seem interested. When the topic of a relationship comes up, he says he’s not ready, and just wants to take things slowly. Which is fine with me, but I’m not use to a guy not talking to me unless we’re actually together…. I have a few other guys that “like” me and they talk to me all the time. They constantly want to know how I am doing, and call me things like “babe” “honey” and whatnot, but the guy I want to call me that, does not. Now I am afraid that since we had sex, thats thats all it will ever be.

I guess the advice I am seeking for is
1. Does he actually like me?
2. How slow is to slow? I am okay with taking things slowly, but how many months is acceptable until we take it to the next step of becoming more then just dating?

[April Masini]

He may say he wants to take things slowly, but he’s not acting like it. In fact, what he really means is that he wants to sleep with you, but he doesn’t want a commitment. 😳 If he did, he’d want to talk to you in between seeing you and sleeping with you.

My advice to you is to not be so available to him. If you see him two to three times a week and in four weeks of being with him you’ve slept with him four times, I think you’re making yourself too available. He’ll be more interested in you as a girlfriend if he feels he has to chase you and win you over. And if he doesn’t chase you, then you’ll know he’s not that interested.

Sometimes guys who are family friends, like your boyfriend is, fly under the radar that you use to weed out Mr. Right candidates when you don’t know someone well. It sounds like this is what happened here. Because this guy is a friend of your brother’s you didn’t treat him the way you would a guy you, say, met online. You were a lot more open to being together and being together often than you might have been if you were getting to know someone better. You thought you knew this guy really well because he’s a family friend, but you don’t know him as a boyfriend.

See if being less available brings out his true feelings — and if those feelings agree with you. 🙂

[Author]

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