[rebecca]

Hi there, So i met this guy a month ago and we only met twice. He tells me he likes me everytime he talks to me. He is very busy (he works 9am to 9pm ,6 days a week) and he plays soccer sometimes (usually sundays when hes off). he tells me he is not a phone person so we usually talk on msn or text messages (i am the one who usually starts the conversation). and he tells me that he likes me calling him (because i feel like he should call me instead but i am the one who always endsup calling ) .Last week i was near his work so i called him told him i was near by so he told me to drop by.I went to see him he gave me a hug(and he didnt wana let go) n was being reali nice. and he told me that i shoudnt complain too much because he is busy and that may be if i compromise and understand, we could work it out and have something together(like a realationship). so whn i was leaving he said we should meetup on sunday n i agreed. we talked about it a few times after that and we decided we will hangout on sunday.So saturday comes and we talked about other stuff and whn i asked him to confirm if we were still meetingup on sunday he never responded ( he usually does that cuz he busy most of the time). I was a little upset that he never asked but on sunday around 5pm he texts me “hey I just finished soccer! what are you up to” and i responded i was at work and just got off and he text back saying “Nice” and i just went home . I am realy upset about it but whn we talked he saked me why didnt YOU ask me to come and hangout with you!! (he thinks its ok if a girl calls and ask a guy out or even go see a guy and make plans to hangout.) he did appologize about sunday that we coudnt meetup! . But now i dont know what to do …Like should i take charge and make plans to meet up and stuff or should i just leave it alone and just stop talking to him.

[April Masini]

Let it go.

His behavior is an indicator of how much he’s going to put into the relationship — not much! 😕 While he may be happy to see you, and even willing to spend time with you if you set up the dates or pop in on him at work, you’re never going to get what you want from him — a boyfriend who makes you feel valued.

One of the reasons I always advocate women not asking men out, or initiating calls or other dating-forward behavior is because men who are into you want to chase you. You can give them something to chase by being attractive, alluring and flirtatious. When you start doing the initiating — or in your case, all the initiating — you take away the opportunity for them to chase you. It’s much less rewarding for men, and they don’t feel great about being with you when you’re so easy to get. The truth is they’d rather win something that was a real challenge! 😉

The other reason I advocate women not asking men out is because it makes it very simple for you to figure out if they’re into you or not. Right now you’re confused because he acts pleasant and happy to see you every time you’re together — but he never initiates everything. If you would leave all the initiating and chasing to him, you’d have a much clearer picture of how much he likes and wants you.

So, my advice is to stop doing what you’re doing. He knows your number, and how to reach you. Let the ball be in his court, and if he wants to ask you out and spend time with you, he’ll do it. Guaranteed. That way you’ll know where you stand with him.

I hope that helps! 🙂

[rebecca]

Thanks April!! i stopped talking to him on msn and he calls me now !! 😛 we talked for an hour last night !! thanks so much for your help!!
😳 xoxo

[April Masini]

Nice going! 😆

Now, keep up that hard to get dynamic. Don’t be so available and watch him seek you out!

Glad I was able to help! 🙂

[Author]

Posts